Friday, July 29, 2005

Warning All Atheists: #1 reason to visit NY

MayaGoddess (Singer/Musician/Extraordinaire)

Thursday, July 28, 2005

First Entry, of sorts. --Sunshine

"i won't do names, but.. i spoke to you at like 630am this morning..She says.. you write about lessons, and well.. I thought mine was too personal, and i have people on my page i don't really know.. so i'm thinking, when will she know them?... if she is afraid to reveal herself? and you never know, maybe they will show her some skin too. call me if they do gurl!!!free.. we want to be that, but, we can't because we are afraid of other people's judgments. maybe instead of seeing our humanity, they will see inadequacy. and thats true. at times people will see our best as our worst, and our dreams as nightmares.. but that is the beauty of life ma'dear.. that is how you find yourself, and find yourself in others or they find themselves in you.. AAAhhh.. the comfort of relativity. and for those who are not down with all the quirks, its cool, no one can embrace all the quirks... but some has to protest, or try to change you, or tear you down... just say.. "if you not wit it, you can hit it." then lean in a little like elvis, and point, spine erect... lip curled. (wind up full body, just like "the king", then shake your shimmy as you point to the door)..kick rocks. and whistle, while you do"

a friend of mine wrote this for me and i really needed to read it. she clearly summed up how i've lived my life as a lone quasi bohemian for the past 7 years. i've been rejected, lied on, ridiculed, belittled, misjudged and the like many times over and i'm sure that i've done the same to others. haven't we all? "...yeah, yeah get over it" is much easier said than done. i have a lot to say but i don't always trust my audience. the trippy part is that i'm the same sistah who effortlessly engages dialogue with strangers in grocery store checkouts, on street corners, etc. balancing my private yet inherently expressive nature is challenging. i wanna display everything that i am, which will also highlight all that i'm not. my fears are heightened whenever i allow myself to get close to a new person (platonically or otherwise). i take two steps forward, then three back. this tango dance appears to keep me safe, along with reclusive in the process. through all the years of drama and ego-trippin, i recognize that i'm that sun that can't be hidden for too long. slowly i'm breaking through the clouds that i created in my mind, exposing my vulnerability, and bringing sunshine with every beat of my heart.

this blog is more for me than anything else i've ever written online. the only intention i have is to remain honest. i consciously chose my profile picture as a representation of my duality, whether real or perceived. the title "eat-mangoes-nekkid" was creeped from Sark's book "Eat Mangoes Naked." it merely reflects my appetite to live and love freely, without regret. and plus, the visual created by title does make me feel just a tad bit sexy ;o). mmmmkay?

Reading:When God was a Woman by Merlin Stone
Listening:New Beginnings by Tracy Chapman

Friday, July 22, 2005