Sunday, August 28, 2005

EXFOLIATING with TRACY



Documentating one of my favorite joints by Langston Hughes about (re)birth:(re)newing : (re)creating : cleansing : (re)discovering : transformation: a conscious exfoliation for me.

In Time of Silver Rain

In time of silver rain
The earth
Puts forth new life again,
Green grasses grow
And flowers lift their heads,
And over all the plain
The wonder spreads
Of life, Of life, Of life!
In time of silver rain
The butterflies
Lift silken wings
To catch a rainbow cry,
And trees put forth
New leaves to sing
In joy beneath the sky
As down the roadway
Passing boys and girls
Go singing, too,
In time of silver rain
When spring
And life
Are new.
And because Tracy Chapman is so, so.............
............yeah that!! and becausebecause this pic reminds me of Charm!
Awwww!!!!!

Monday, August 22, 2005

With Our Own Two Hands


today charm and i had a minor setback on desolate stretch of highway near asheville. her tire decided to blow out and guess who changed it? me, me, me!!!!!!! hehe. yeah, me, me, me:P. i removed the doubt, went to work (plumber's crack and all), and we were able to get to our next destination quite safely because I CHANGED the TIRE, with her assistance, of course*!!! ------ ;o). we didn't call Triple AAA or wait for help to arrive. after a few minutes of aimless back and forth talk, we just plopped down on our knees, did the darn thing, and was rewarded with brake dust on our face, hands, knees, and clothing. i only regret that we didn't take pictures as evidence...lolol

being out in nature, surrounded in music, makes me very introspective and as usual, i'm disconnecting from the internet for a while and redirecting that energy into other places. but i'm all hallelujah thankful for having the ability to merely share, exchange information ,and giggles with very colorful people in cyberland. i've lurked in so many wonderful blogs and truly recognize that we are all more alike than different. /end cliche' :D



love to love and be love.

Friends May Be Enemies, Enemies May Be Friends

WOW, just received this in an e-mail and the author is unk. AN INTERESTING READ, trust me ;o)--------------------------------
Friends May Be Enemies, Enemies May Be Friends

There is a strange perspective to consider when one is engaged in the path of karma yoga, the yoga of human relationship and selfless action. Our friends, the people who we normally engage and interact with on a day to day basis, are not really friends. The people we tend to spend our time with will support our unconscious habit patterns, support the likes and dislikes of our unconscious, patterned self. Also these people may be discouragements in recognizing and moving past one’s own unconscious patterning once one is ready to do so.

In essence, our friends may become traps, either deliberately or unconsciously encouraging us to remain as we are. Friends can be the deadliest of enemies to personal growth of Consciousness.

This is for one simple reason. When a person begins to shift internally, everybody around them becomes challenged by the internal changes of the one who is shifting. This is an indirect challenge to the friends, to their viewpoints and their very way of living and being. They may feel as if they need to change, or become threatened and do not appreciate the changes you manifest within yourself, no matter how beneficial these changes might be for you.Instead, if you are on the path of internal change, consider instead the challenges and opportunities to your false ego self presented through interactions with people who are not your friends. If your friends are recognized as being not friends, walk away from them, for the development of Soul and dissolving of false perceptions is of most importance.

People who challenge your own patterned perceptions and beliefs, while difficult to be around, are helpful tools for recognizing and overcoming unwanted personal baggage.

Through our enemies, the people we dislike become the screens for our personal projections which stem from the abuses, insults and emotional or physical trauma inflicted upon us in the past. These hurtful events are hidden and buried into our unconscious being, becoming patterns which are unknowingly acted out again and again for the simple reason of our needing to resolve the old hurts, to come to terms with the pains we carry inside. In psychology, this is termed as projection, we see a similarity in a person which reminds of one who caused harm in the past, and all past projections and beliefs are unjustly placed upon that person.

People we term as enemies, dislike, hate and find to be unbearable to be around are great assets available to one who truly recognizes the need to identify and dissolve internal patterned behavior.

Through the identification and resolution of these old patterns which stem from unconscious protection of pain and the fear to face that pain directly, we are able to free up our own energies. We become free from the influences we allow those we dislike to have upon us. In addition, we remove the traumatic pain caused in our past which has been unconscious baggage, a source of stress and progressive ill-health and mental disorders. Through resolution of our past pains we become free, never again to react to people who may play the role of a person who we identify as similar to the one’s who have hurt us from before.

Our enemies become friends for our conscious development, they become ‘Friends of Consciousness’ even if unwittingly.

While we may never wish to engage our time with the people we call ‘enemies’, recognizing and appreciating their worth as ‘petty tyrants’ is important.
Every action, word, event, person and object which manifests is a tool which reflects our inner Self. Coming to a place of acceptance and love of these illusory reflections is one of many paths to inner understanding, eventually leading to complete freedom. Reaching resolution of the fears and pains which we project onto the person who are representative of those who caused trauma in the past is a process of unleashing our Soul.Consider carefully your friends for they may not be friends of your conscious potential, and appreciate and keep closest to you those labeled as enemies, because they can be the kindling used to destroy your false self-concepts. It may be surprising the reality of how the participation of both types of people unfold in your life, and the fruits which may be reaped by a careful, conscious tending and pruning of your own reactions and observations of their perceived influence on you.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Easy, Breezy, Beautiful, & Delicious

two daps, no, three daps, and peace signs to all the bored yet loving souls reading this useless amalgamation of letters, syllables, mis-spellings, and bad grammar but

this is some ridiculously hot shit! (the author is requesting for readers*, imagined and actual, to note the itallics, psuedo-red and bold coloring, enhanced font size, and closing apostrophe emphasizing how 'hot' this shit really is).

signed,

the carbon-based cluster of molecules who is addicted to EBAY and dreams, on that REM tip, about purchasing sum unnecessary shit coz she likes to receive weekly packages from the very nice mail lady, super cool UPS dude, and even the string of creepy Fedex deliverers containing colorful trinkets, cast iron teapots, books, dvds, cds and other undisclosed, discreetly wrapped 'items' that assist her in feeling superduperly important 'n' thangs and prompts her to invite her peoples (who really ain't her peoples) over, only to show off her new bargain that she copped off the internet, which gives her complete permission to write in 3rd person in her blog (cause kewl part-time wanna-be b-girls and full-time fairies refer to themselves in 3rd person, like so) and results in her feeling like hot grits drizzled in butter with just a dash, and only a dash, of salt for taste. delicious!!

*consists mainly of the imagined.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Moment(s)



Ahhhhhh......OOOOOOHHHHH........Hell yeah !!!!!!!
excuse me while i have a moment (or multiple moments)

sometimes i hear or see words and although i understand the message being conveyed, i just dont FEEL IT in my core.

i've seen/read this quote by nelson mandela and marianne williamson on countless occasions and didn't react to it. TODAY was opposite. The neurons in my brain fired up, sent a chemical message across my synapse that said "chile, this shit is fiyah," which stimulated an active 'moment' in each of my cells, multiple moments collectively in my body, and responses that I can not share. I love it.


" 'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we subconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."-- From A RETURN TO LOVE

Friday, August 12, 2005

CIAO! Off i Go....





Ciao Atlanta AKA "ey-shawty-whatcho-namis,"


I am so (very) uber-crunkdelicious about my upcoming vacation, which couldn’t come at a more opportune time. I ain’t trying to think about NOTHING, not even fuss over what to wear, so I literally packed one dress, a pair of legging, one pair of UGA shorts-go dawgs!!!, a halter, a tank top, a swimsuit, flip-flops, some undies, some fabric, sneakers and toiletries in an overnight bag/rice sack (according to my sister). My lil vibrant self is so deserving of this getaway and I’m getting full in my belly just thinking about it. MmmmMMm. I packed a few days early but I am ret-to-go NOW.

Today, my sister, Surat and I started processing my mother’s will and we’re finishing it up tomorrow. She’s terminally ill and we were advised months ago to get that cement ball in motion. Asking her the questions in the living will made everyone in the room emotional but we all held it together. Awkward silence filled the space where the words failed to occupy. I almost lost it when my mums told us that we could sale the house, split the money evenly with my brother and move to England, like it was our compensation for taking care of her. Her ever-changing infirm body, coupled with her perceived dependency, oftentimes, makes her feel guilty and burdensome. As crazy as it sounds, she seriously believes that SHE is the reason I don’t have a man, sum chillum, and a family at 29 and the cause of Surat's sudden weight gain at 45. She is something else, that lady! My response to her was to just breathe-just breathe mum. She laughed at me and God/dess knows I love when she does that.

I've finished 3/4ths of this HOT, HOT novel by Fiona Zedde. the issues that the protagonist face are relatable. Palatable, colorful visuals created with words. Well Written. Erotic and Sexy. Jamician culture and food references throughout. Definitely a page-turner. highly recommend because it's like TOTARRY hot! i don't want the book to end.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Scrambled Eggs: mmmm, mmmm good






life has an incredibly magickal way of illuminating my lessons, blessings, mistakes, triumphs, and fears in unexpected moments. Slowly but surely I am filtering through the garbage I’ve been conditioned to believe - -how much money I should make, why I am suppose to have kids, how I should behave, when and whom I should marry or fuck, what a woman should look like, what size bra I should wear, what type of car i should drive, what type of music I should listen to, what kind of job should have, what type of food I should eat, what god I should pray to, and what, how, when…….!!!! I discard the beliefs, ideologies, and thoughts that have been embedded into my mind, spreading like a virus in a diseased body. I stretched my arms this morning and fully surrendered to life, to love, to truth, to wisdom and today feels mmmm, mmmmm good.

i have learned that it isn’t always about me. that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that’s just the way it is. It is important for me to meet every person where ever they are, without judgement. And realizing that I ain’t perfect is death to my ego. Killing my ego feels mmmm, mmmmm good.

since life is a self-fulfilling prophecy-my thoughts will eventually externalize; therefore, I get what I believe I deserve. I am learning to own my powers and intentionally create my day, everyday. Methinks that heaven and hell are both states of consciousness. I'm touching myself in heaven right now. Realizing that heaven is on earth feels mmmmm, mmmm good.

I will stop apologizing for being healthy-aka ‘nuts and berries’ [@lauren :D]to those who talk shit, jokingly or otherwise, about my lifestyle. I love good, nourishing food, purified water, juicing, jogging, pilates, climbing stairs, sex, hiking, camping, sun salutations, meditating, laughing, smudge sticks, chanting, yeah, soaked nuts and berries and so much more. Publicly admitting that I am a lifetime member of N&B Association of America feels mmmm, mmmmm good.

Reassessing who I am is important to me. Redefining who I am and what I stand for is essential. I am learning the difference between needing and wanting. I am shredding doctrines and old beliefs as trust my intuition more. I am creating boundaries, discarding old 'issues in my tissues,' cleaning out my phonebook, smudging the toxicity out of my life, just letting go, letting go, letting go.... I am starting to feel weightlesss....And that feels *i-like-the-way-you-move* mmmm, mmmm, good.

Painting: "Full Smile" by Pierre Bennu

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Headscript from 9am-5pm while working



i love to play and be sillylicious and make no apologies for it!!!!!

i work to pay my bills but i create art to enjoy my life. i continue to hold the vision of myself creating for a living while having the ability to pay my bills

i am thankful for being the woman that i am, for having the experiences that i've had, and being just as fabulous as i want to be......

i can't wait to go to cali to see my c. she's at UCLA for the summer and unfortunatey her roommate is the antichrist and a homophobe. she's has given c a hard time and the administrators are not taking her actions seriously enough to get c a new roommate. long story and i am much too exhausted to type it all out. lets just say ONE of the worst thing she's done to my c was 'outed' her to her mother. that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Arrggh!!!!!!

UPDATE!!UPDATE: the lbgt dept hooked my girl up with a brand new room and she doesn't have a roommate!!!!!!!!!!!!! I told you Jesus saves the queer. HA!
i have to be continuously mindful that every thought that i think is transferred into a chemical in my body and then released into my bloodstream.

i truly believe when Dr. Pookroom stated that "the condition of your body represents your state of consciousness." i will never apologize to anyone for wanting be healthy and vibrant enough to have a high quality of life.

i believe that heaven is on earth.

i believe that energy follows thought. if i put my intention in the right place, it will eventually externalize.

i love!!my family, my girlfriend and her family, and my friends.

i create my own definitions only because the shit keeps me sane.

i have to learn to be more patient with my mom. i recognize that i was put here for a reason and feel the blessing in the experience. And be thankful.

i love the mystery behind hidden tattoos.

i love being black and woman.