Friday, December 29, 2006

Sacred Yoni Trees...LOVE them

more on my fasination with trees and how they remind me of women....later. XOXO

Tuesday, December 26, 2006


cuz all that i could ever "need," i own.
i am magickally
experiencing love and life
abundantly on a full
tank of gas.
i love. oh sweet goodness, do i.

i am grateful for the sweetness of good health, the desire to nurture an open heart, and surrendering
simply to love, without attachment to anything else.

love energy for 2007, on all levels! – a year when the focus lies in Self energy manifested into outer adventure and all types of love connections!

that's my peace.

model: kilimanjaro and her journal, dedicated to the expression of love
photographer: kilimanjaro

Thursday, December 14, 2006

remembering: RAIN womyn

i walked thru the earth today
with a smile lurking on the corners of my mouth.
gods and goddesses tracing my every footstep....
i heard the ground whisper to me.
i felt the breeze sing me a song
and the droplets of rain
that were once my tears
fell from the sky.
i was (am) a curvy rain goddess.
experiencing love.

thank you for holding my hand
in the rain. i love you.

photographer: kilimanjaro
model: kilimanjaro
photo: edited (Kodak pictureshare)

Friday, November 24, 2006

Daily Affrimation/Prayer


I pray that whatever is not of my divine path will dissolve and dissipate, even if it is the very thing upon which I stand. My true calling is revealing itself to me* always, so that I may continue forward in my journey of perfect health, partnership, wealth, and self expression. I give thanks to Infinite Love, Wisdom, and Life Simplified for making it a reality.

Photo: Kilimanjaro
Photographer: Kilimanjaro

"I let the water of my inner voice
down my
and I am pure, once again,
from the dirt of my
of reality."

Thursday, November 16, 2006

NEW MOON MELANGE: Atlanta women!!!

you are invited to the monthly NEW MOON MELANGE: Atlanta, this Sunday @ 8pm VIRGINA HIGHLANDS AREA!!!!

as the night sky darkens and the cool breeze settles in, it is time to gather with powerful sisters in community, blessing each of us with the courage and strength to come home to ourselves as our own best lover, most beloved child, and favorite friend.

The theme is Self-Nurturance. Bring something you love to use to nurture yourself, and share it with everyone!! If you do healing work, bring your table....have a special tea you love, make a pot....songs or poems, come and perform....rituals and activities, bring those too. I will be leading an Angel Walk (inside!) and some inspiring words for meditation.

Bring food for a vegan/raw potluck...celebrating the harvest.

For the altar...a symbol of your personal power.

And as usual, bring items you're ready to cleanse and pass along...for our TRADE CIRCLE....

please send me if an email to indiageekygoddess(at)yahoo(dot)com for directions and more info....

OT: Sometimes, no most times, I dress weird. there are five things wrong with this picture!!! do you see, click to enlarge..wheeeeeeeeeeeeee NEW MOON Melange ladies!!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

rumination #7044: relationship wholeness

I was thinking....

Usually, no partner is absolutely ideal, every relationship comes with its fascinating growth challenges. It's inevitable. To work with those challenges consciously and deliberately allows the relationship to grow, the relationship must maintain an open channel of communication and balance between partners willing to cooperate and not 'act-a-fool.' To let these challenges pass unnoticed is to become a slave to habitual responses, old arguments, and other crapola which lasts until the relationship ends.

When I think about my long-term intimate relationships, my observation is that I sometimes tend to become a unit with my partner, which is good until I lose my individuality. A great deal of compromise occurred, particularly when I was with my fiance' and dreams and hopes could have been sacrificed--at worst, they were deferred. I've acted in a way to please my partner, but on the inside experienced a sense of stress that comes from not expressing deeply felt, innermost truths. This is not only my story, but the story of most of the women in my small family.

In a relationship, each partner needs to be centered, and i'm learning, their primary committment should be to that inner connection. Even if only one person has that connection, surprising transformations can occur in others. When that connection is strong, all other relationships are just as strong as the connection, and the ability to communicate and listen is strengthened.

I'm also learning that a level of honesty, individual wholeness, and self-awareness is required, a genuine will to self-improve and to be loving....forever, forver. amen.

Currently reading :
If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path
By Charlotte Kasl
Release date: By 01 February, 1999

Open Diary: 0002

I'm walking in the rain with no umbrella despite the fact I have one safely tucked away in my yoga bag turned huge purse. This is my usual stilo 'cause, usually, I don't have one. I always forget to check the weather or grab my umbrella so I 've gotten quite used to getting soaked. This time it's a short distance i have to go--just walking a few blocks and there are awnings to pass under so I'm not concerned about being soaked. Soon, I'm walking along steady and absorbed in my own thoughts.

I'm deep in the midst of rumination #6,080 when I suddenly realize the rain has stopped. It has stopped not because it has ceased to rain but because a small, rather wide-eyed Hispanic man has decided to share his umbrella. He is standing to my left and when I look at him in quiet surprise, he merely laughs in greeting. We walk along in silence for a few paces. I'm a bit stunned and unsure of what to do or what he wants. I look at him again and notice the arm not holding the umbrella stops at the elbow. He says to me in broken English, "It is bad for you to get wet". " I know" , I reply. He then says to me, "You seem sad". "No, just minding my business." There is an awkward pause. I really wanted to be alone, but I suddenly became touched by his gesture. He tells me in broken English that he works security at a nearby grocery store. It strikes me as odd that a cheerful one-armed man works security at a supermarket, but mmmkay, such is life. I point to the umbrella he holds over my head. "Not necessary" I say, "Gracias" "Okay, pretty lady" he replies. He then tells me again that he was just trying to help his fellow man. How sweet! "I know." I say. "I know". He takes his happiness with him and bounced,no-- literally bounced, down Ponce de Leon, smiling every breath of the way.

I am in the rain alone again, deep in my thoughts. I couldn't help but to think what a beautiful movie scene that exchanged would have made. I'm thankful that I didn't turn away from him, instead chose to walk along with him-what a metaphor for life, eh. Surprisingly, I enjoyed our short time.

I wonder what it is about real life that turns things around like that when written life, lets say in a book or movie, would have no problem finding the beauty.

this was a moment for my nikon.

photographer: elle :)
model: kilimanjaro

Friday, November 03, 2006


Christa Bell's poems are the bomb and I just love her to death. She makes me want to celebrate, snap my fingers, and holler really loud. She isn't just talking to the brothas, but to some SISTAHS TOO. Please listen to this poem by the beautiful Christa. OH HELL TO THE FUCK YEAH!



Thursday, November 02, 2006

open diary: 0001

The passion that makes me who i am on 11/01/06 is that the sun radiates within my heart. I feel joy in my body. I actually feel my core vibrate when I'm still.

I feel a visceral silence within, its essence can only be described, but not captured, by words.

People are loves, and although I don't understand them, they all are special and I appreciate and am entertained by their personalities, with both their great and not-so-great traits, and just try to accept how they are without trying to change them, as I expect the same from others who never understand my seemingly unpredictable behavior. How perfect.

As I enjoy being myself, I'm more often than not, enjoying being around people, and as I am peaceful and silent within, others come to a stillness as well. They relax, its a healing and transformational space, which is so necessary among people.

Seeing it work again and again encourages me to continue my practices, to remain on this path, and to go ever deeper. I embrace my nature and enjoy facing the patterns within that color and allow energy to just simply flow freely.

Because I know that in doing so, in being the genuine fullest expression of myself, that through me a healing joy and light-hearted inspiration comes to the world and loved ones in my life.

I know that in doing so, that the burdens others feel are lessened, and that in treating myself and each individual who crosses my path with silent and loving acceptance, the world is improved.

In doing so, my life is fulfilled right now, nothing remains to be done, and I am free to just be, as of 11/1/06.

photographer: unknown
model: unknown(she's just so beautiful to me)

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

i am HER

I am
I am WATER, fluid
I am EARTH, grounded
I am FIRE, passionate
I am AIR, formidable
I am
I am
I am
she is

for that which i've sought, i have found within. so i'm never without.

or alone.

Sunday, October 22, 2006


We sit at the kitchen table
the older one and me,
sipping carrot juice.
Two women of laughter and salt.
Wide open.
Lights perform an aerial dance around her skirt.

We move together--
move in the Here.
Fingers test body's solidity.
Eyes scan for the shore. I am a virgin again
in this house of dusk and magick.
we bathe each other of SILENCE.
Of sharp pain.
Of razor-locked words.
Of bitterness.
Of bruises.
Of shame
Of not being whole.

The tide surges and roars in our ears.
I sway to keep my balance,
while tender moments curl up for comfort.


treasure upon treasure.
wet. fierce. wild.
passion wakes us up in a
different country.
Here--I can do nothing but surrender.

We sit at the kitchen table
the older and me,
sipping on a warm glass of carrot juice.

And Imagining.

Sunday, October 15, 2006


i made a commitment to TELL every person whose soul/art/mind/body moves me that they move me--they are love--whether i know them well or not.

we aren't always ready for praise. we view unexpected love with suspicion. we don't receive compliments. women, trans & queer folks aren't always comfortable with being seen for their beauty. so often we have been taught that compliments come with a price.

i don't want anything back from the people in exchange...

except maybe an occassional smile,

but even THAT isn't necessary.

i just want to acknowledge the divinity in people--in MYSELF, in YOU--and in this way, i am living my religion: all love.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Good-bye Georgia--I'm moving

I'll blog again around the first of year. Thanks for giving me over 700 HUGS :-). I love hugs, I need hugs...we all need hugs (insert harmonica and violins here)

Sunday, September 10, 2006

we dance all night

(inspirations d. mariechild, remixed by kili)
from womb to wombman. our connection clear and strong. my body sit upon the earth, her earth. my heart energy streams down into her core. blessed energy like the waters of a mighty river flows through me. on top of me. my body opens as my blood becomes sparkling water fed from a boundless source springing from the heart of the earth. two bodies pulse with the earth. hot and spicy, yet feed by warm water.

the drums start in our heads. boom-tsk, boom-tsk, boom-boom-tsk.

a muffled steady beat grows louder and stronger. breasts hang sweet and low as we glide, moving to a rhythm only a djembe could inspire. vibrations bounce off the walls, rising and falling back to the earth. energy spirals upward, filling my toes as they stretch down into the earth. my strong legs like columns reaching towards the pelvis of the heavens. the arch of my back, seemingly opens my sacred inner place...the lotus blooms. earth energy flows upwards, meeting four legs, greeting two pelvises, and returning to earth, like veinous blood. my bones become the soil; my flesh becomes the earth.

we dance all night.

Arizona, here i come, with bells on

in 7 days i will be hiking through Az to visit what has the potential to be one of my favorite places in the US....!!!! my flight has been booked and i've just received my camping permit. i am taking a couple of camping classes next week and then i'll be ready to bounce...i even have a pair of dickies shorts to keep it kinda ruggied, if needed---lol and also beefed up my workouts so that i can hike the north rim, south rim, and back (kidding) but i will go as far as my legs will take me and my backpack ...ready, set, go...i truly believe that this will be an amazing experience in this lifetime.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Touch and Time (then it's a wrap)

The Five Love LanguagesMy primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch: 9
Quality Time: 6
Words of Affirmation: 6
Acts of Service: 5
Receiving Gifts: 4


Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

poem on death

Why did you vanish
into the empty sky?
Even the fragile snow,
when it falls,
falls in this world.

--Izumi Shikibu

Izumi's poem portrays the sorrow of a
mother mourning the death of her daughter.

The pain is palpable. There is no disguise.

There is no attempt to cover the pain
with intellectualization. We can watch to
see where the snow lands as it falls. We
can't see what happens after death. Any thoughts
we have about what might happen are just that,
thoughts.It is only our ability to directly
experience this world, the sorrow and the joy,
that brings us to a space between intellect
and emotion, beyond hope and sorrow.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

a psychic told me that i, clothe in african garb, shall lay a white (wo)man

Relationship Reading

India A.(xxxxxxxxxxxxx) 5/24/1976

(706) xxx- xxxx

I volunteer at a community radio station in atlanta on thursdays. last week i met this beautiful woman who happened to be an intuitist and a psychic. i believe we all are inherently intuitists and psychics to a certain degree but some people have strengthen their innate abilities and are able to effortlessly see/feel/hear beyond the physical. even with that said, i'm almost always skeptical . i asked her to give me a reading and without knowing anything about my background, spirit told her that i would eventually work as a naturopath, earn a N.D., and soon become a colon hydrotherapist. considering that i am currently a licensed colon hydrotherapist and i've completed and sent my application for an alternative medical school in Az, I was freaked and in awe. So i asked her to do a relationship reading (cause lordy knows i need guidance) and e-mail it to me. Keep in mind that she doesn't know that i identify as queer, if i were to be more specific, a lesbian. So when I intially read her assessment i tossed it aside because she (altho' i'm not surprised) assumed that i was hetero. i let my dear friend read her analysis but she was wise enough to switch the pronouns and was like, Aha this could really be you. i re-read it, changed the pronouns, and ok the first paragraph was on point. also i could see adopting kids, but a rendevous with a white lady? naw ms.psychic. HA-i love nappy for real! but thanks kerline for being so smart :)..kerline said spirit probably showed her an image of a butch woman and she perceived her to be a man. that's peace sis--you alwayz be dropping that science as i'm shamefully trying to add things up :)~~

oh lordy here it is: do this be the truth? honestly i can't see myself with a white (wo)man..HAha! people are people and love is love but i need nappiness you know what i'm sayin ms.p.

here goes:

Your journey through intimate relationships has been an arduous one because you haven’t been able to find that perfect (wo)man for you. You, like most women, are looking for someone who has the balance of brains, looks, sexiness, compassion, and honesty. You need to added bonus of healthy, wise, conscious, and ideally, vegan. (why i'm always hot on the drinkers and smokers tho', ms. psychic??)

Look no further. You’ll find that person in school. Keep in mind that it’s okay to be with someone who is not totally on the same path that you are, as long as (s)he respects the path that you are on. But you will find the kind of (wo)man you’re looking for while you’re in school.

Wait…I had to stop midstream because something wasn’t adding up. (My husband had to ask me if I was okay) I don’t think this (wo) man is your final mate. In fact, (not to be racial, but I have to tell you what I see) the (wo) man appeared to be white. (S)He’s not the one for you. I foresee professional jealously emerging after you two have graduated and are working together.

The next (wo)man I saw is African-American, but (s)he may not be from this country. (S)He’s not the one either. (S)He’ll treat you like a queen, but (s)he’ll put you on a pedestal and perceive you as a trophy and not a real person.


I see another brother (sistah), but (s)he dies. And I’ll tell you what I see. I see Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze from the movie Ghost. That’s a hint and a half. (Your relationship reading is a first. I’ve never seen such a series of relationships for one person so clearly) (ok ms.psychic sistren, this shit is getting crazy. god/dess help us all.)

I see you finally finding your true long-term mate in when you are forty years old. This (wo)man is about forty-five years old when you two meet. That’s the one. (S)He may already have children and you two will adopt one child, a boy, from another country. You’ll have your Brady Bunch crew and you all will get along fine. This (wo)man is of a higher consciousness and so are his (her) children. Congrats on this one. (S)He’s a keeper.

yeah i paid for this :)...we will see i suppose...are there black folks in scottsdale, tempe, or mesa, Arizona? seriously.

Althea Hughes Wills(click to access her web-site)


Saturday, September 02, 2006

photoshare: 2am Neighborhood stroll

let the walking 'i'm not 30; i'm actually a 70 yr old insomniac' picture.
this house is interesting. i like the little details of the house more than i like the actual house...
i don't own or rent this house, but i love to look at it...
the neighborhood restaurant...i sit here after hours because i can't afford to sit here during business hours.
this neighbor is never home, so i sit on her porch and pretend that it belongs to me. i've read books back here, photographed back here, made out back here, no -wait...
exactly....and caution (insert picture) watch for adults

the house again .i call her extra virgin olive oil....
my favorite picture from the 2am stroll
another house. i love to house watch or maybe the house (somebody) is watching me....cues that 80's song...
this is absolutely my favorite house in the neighborhood because of its deception and humbleness. it appears small when one looks at it from the front and reallly simple when in fact, it's huge with an amazingly large patio/pool/backarea. i love houses that appear small and simple, yet are large with an abundance of character like this one. it's like "suprise, we have more than you expected honey." whenever i ride my bike or walk pass this picket fence, i have to take a second to connect with the house behind it. i call her yaa.....i envision myself owning a house like this someday. soon the owner and i will be in the same space, and i will convince him or her to let me photograph the length of the house and backyard area. i would have done so already, but the fact that this house is hard to traverse, without looking like i'm breaking and entering or a peeping tomacina, keeps me honest (and out of jail).
aparently the owner of these dusty cons walked a little too long. no actually, those belong to me and are quite fashionable with my out-dated couture...and that ratty rug belongs to my neighbor.
thanks for coming along with me. where shall we go from here?

Friday, August 25, 2006

PictureShare: 1981-2006

me (age 5, age 30) mums sis & nephew

Thursday, August 24, 2006

werd: cogitation



1. Thoughtful consideration; meditation.
2. A serious thought; a carefully considered reflection.

What is this thing? A stirring from the depths perhaps.

film explores importance of natural hair

Film explores importance of natural, black hair styles
Documentary spotlights black women, men who wear their hair natural
Copyright 2006 Houston Chronicle

Michelle Farris-Lewis, 37, a school counselor and independent filmmaker, said six years ago her daughter's hair was so damaged by a perm that she had to cut it.

"I permed her hair (when) she was in the first grade," said Farris-Lewis, who grew up in South Park and graduated from Jack Yates High School.

"It fell out. I found myself having to cut off all of her hair."

Farris-Lewis said she wanted to make her daughter feel comfortable, so she cut her own hair and they both began wearing their hair in its' natural state, void of chemical relaxers.

That bonding experience soon became the beginning of a documentary, New Growth: The Natural Progression, which celebrates blacks who wear their hair naturally.

"I found out there were a lot of women who have gone through hair loss due to chemicals," Farris-Lewis said.

Farris-Lewis recently shot footage for her documentary at Shrine of the Black Madonna Cultural Center & Bookstore, 5309 Martin Luther King Blvd.

Georgette Johnson-Whaley, 30, said twelve years ago, while a student at Texas Southern University, she permed her hair so frequently that she too suffered hair loss.

The Third Ward resident said she met a lot of students from the East Coast who wore their hair natural and she began to wonder what she'd look like with her hair natural.

She said she doesn't recall ever seeing her hair the way God intended.

"I said if it is falling out now and I am only 18, what will it look like in 10 to 20 years," Johnson-Whaley said. She said that day she made a choice to cut it off and start all over.

Johnson-Whaley said as her natural hair began to grow, she went through a period of self-discovery. She said she didn't know what to do with her hair or how to style it. Johnson-Whaley said she began to read every book she could find on natural hair care, but information was limited.

"I said I am committing to this, I need to know everything I can because I am not going back to perms," Johnson-Whaley said.

Johnson-Whaley said if she didn't know what to do with her natural hair there were probably others with the same problem. She decided to go to cosmetology school and in 1997 began working for Soul Scissors Barber Shop as a natural hair stylist.

A little more than a year ago she opened Soul Sister Natural Haircare, a natural hair care salon located at 1716 Rosewood.

Johnson-Whaley's husband, Christopher Whaley, 31, stopped cutting his hair three years ago and allowed his natural hair to grow, mesh and entwine together to form what is called dreadlocks.

Whaley said when he was a teen he wanted to wear dreadlocks but his father wouldn't let him. Whaley said he colored his hair like Dennis Rodman and wore his hair chemically-processed before finally letting it grow naturally.

"I'm a firm believer in the Old Testament in the Bible, I really believe my strength comes from my hair," Whaley said.

Whaley, a poet and an avid blogger, wrote "Represent," a poem expressing his love for natural hair. He said he chose to participate in the film just to have an opportunity to talk about the beauty of natural hair.

"It's long overdue for the story to be told," Whaley said.

Stephanie Houston, 18, a Katy resident, also suffered hair loss due to chemicals and has now worn her hair natural for almost three years.

An honor student and graduate of Cypress Springs High School, Houston said her dermatologist told her that her hair could no longer take perms.

She said the nurse told her to trust the doctor or her hair would continue being damaged.

"I kept doing it and it kept breaking," Houston said. She said she was going bald and decided it just didn't make sense to continue chemically-processing her hair.

"I decided to go natural and it worked for me," Houston said, but admits it was hard to adjust.

"I feel like hair is such an important issue in the black community," Houston said, adding she was nervous about wearing her hair au natural.

"For a lot of people it is such a psychological block in their heads."

Houston, who will be a freshman at Howard University in Washington, D.C., in the fall, said wearing her hair natural helped her self-esteem.

"Dealing with my hair half broken off worked on my self-esteem," Houston said, adding the move made her feel more self-confident.

"It made me so free. I don't need a perm to make me look good, I can wear my hair natural and still be 'the bomb.' "

West Chase resident and Realtor Chinnell Hardy said it wasn't hair loss that prompted her to cut her hair and wear it natural.

"I just did it at the spur of the moment; it was not a long, thought-out calculated move," said Hardy, 34.

"The (stylist) had a short platinum blond Afro, I asked her to cut all of the relaxer out of my hair and style it like hers and she did. I felt confident, I felt validated. I really did."

That was six years ago, and Hardy said since then she's worn a short, natural Afro with no regrets.

"I'm not spending a lot of money on relaxers and keeping that up," Hardy said, adding it takes four minutes to comb her hair.

"Compared to having to unwrap it, curl it, flat iron it, it's just very, very low maintenance."

Now a member of an online natural hair group based in Australia, Hardy said she tries to attend any local gatherings about natural hair care.

"I was very intrigued about (the documentary), I wanted to see what it was about," Hardy said.

"I like to learn their stories, why they did it, you know, like-minded people. I felt like the way I choose to wear my hair is OK, and no one is going to question it."

Houston City Councilwoman Ada Edwards, 63, said she's worn her hair natural most of her life.

"I wore the press and curl and I decided it was too much trouble because I was so active in sports," Edwards said.

She said she's worn a short natural, a bush natural, and back and forth, before deciding to wear braids. Edwards said in 1983 she started wearing her hair in locks.

"I don't look at my hair being outside of me," Edwards said, adding that it's interesting the relationship black women have with their hair.

"It dates back to wanting to be accepted in society, I understand that. I don't consider it political."

Edwards said her children, ages 35 to 45 years, choose to wear their hair natural, but not because she encouraged them to do so.

She said her granddaughters, ages 3 to 16 years, wear their hair natural as well as her 14-year-old grandson, who she said sports an Afro. An 18-year-old grandson chooses to wear his hair cut short.

"There seems to be a new surgence among young black women to wear their hair natural. I think it's just women saying, 'I need a little freedom,' " Edwards said.

Braeburn Oaks resident, Reginald Forch Jr., 39, said in 2001 he experienced a spiritual evolution and after 17 years of cutting his own hair, he decided to let it grow.

"This is not a cosmetic, superficial trend, it was an innate need for a personal change based on some studies I have done," said Forch, who participated in the documentary.

"People have been conditioned to adhere to values that go totally against their natural spirit," Forch said.

"It's sad that we even have to celebrate our hair."


"Books are the carriers of civilization. Without books, history is silent, literature dumb, science crippled, thought and speculation at a standstill. I think that there is nothing, not even crime, more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself than this incessant business." Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
- Steven Wright

right on steven!

Sunday, August 20, 2006

it doesn't interest me.....

what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for,
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love,
for your dream,
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow,
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain,
mine or your own,
without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy,
mine or your own,
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us to be careful,
to be realistic,
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself,
if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul;
if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty,
even when it's not pretty,
every day,
and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure,
yours and mine,
and still stand on the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,


It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up,
after the night of grief and despair,
weary and bruised to the bone,
and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not
shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you,
from the inside,
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

~~ oriah mountain dreamer

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

against your skin

Against your skin I lay
within the space tears are stilled,
fears are silenced
and wholeness is gained
for this is the part and parcel of love...

Our unity is the bane of fury, the means of joy,
the antithesis of loneliness...
placed before us are the angered in the face of love.
we are formidable. We are one.

at this moment, nothing else seems to matter.


Tuesday, July 18, 2006


so i'm officially sleeving(tattooing) my left arm and i will begin deep meditation tonight to gain some clarity on the permanent change to my body. al. feels like:

hot infernos burn
inside consuming
all of me
leaving nothing
but ashes.
This One is
a Sacrifice
for loving Goddess Kali
to gracefully dance
gleefully upon,
tenderly shredding
skin, bones and blood.
All which remains;
vivid rhythm,
radiant sun,


---and on to something else that's on my gemini brain.

i, India, Am realising that the 'seekers' quest is ... a waste of time.

What is to find, that isn't already present?
What is there to gain, when one already has everything right now?
Just the act of seeking is itself the acknowledgement of not being whole.
Why teach with words when silence itself is the communication knowledge present within?

Freedom? It's always at hand, one just has to Be free. Nothing holds, nothing chains, nothing ... or, no-thing ever changes. Our essence is bound by nothing, and the' no-thing' which we are is eternal and ultimately powerful, and ... within that space there is nothing to do or prove.

What am I trying to transcend and grow past? Illusions that don't exist ... it's like jogging on a treadmill in front of a giant virtual reality television screen or somthing similiar.

eye'm learning to turn off the machine and go live.

Living? What is that? Living only happens when a person stops serving their delusions and illusions, and serves the Essence of their being, the Essence found in all life and energy, with their Whole Heart, Mind and Doing. One lives when serving that Essence as they are meant to. Which, for me, hasn't unfolded fully, but .. hey, its all about the journey and not just the big chocolate or prehaps rainbow cake at the end.

It's pretty simple. I already found it, but it's so simple, so my ego attempts to still doubt it.

blah! ;) but give thanks dammit!

Saturday, July 15, 2006

can you spot my big ass head in this revolution?

hint: i'm wearing a baseball cap - there a glass of sissurp in my hand- and my mouth is wide open. haha! this is so incriminating and i swear i don't drink--lolol. i was holding that glass for one of sisters who'd just finishing catching the spirit in the moshpit. altho' she's not dancing now, i swear she was and who knows why i am still holding the drink. LOL. i found this on the Afropunk site and this was punk show at the Delancey in NY. Check out the DVD on netflix; it's fascinating. it's apart of my collection. it's a beautiful to see a photo of black folks, where 100% of us are NATURAL(CHEMICAL FREE). talk abt a revolution mannnn!!

womyn i love:meet christina!

ok.hopefully this goes over well but this a test. seeing as i woke up at nearly 5am in the morning, with nothing much to do, i thought about the beautiful women that i've had the pleasure of being friends with and the influence they have had over me. then i started to think about my sad sad blog and how i could honor them on it. there are so many womyn i love, old and young, some i don't know from a bucket of chicken, and others i've had the pleasure of befriending, working with, and/or dating. now this is a test and i'm not sure how Christina, also affectionately known as Chris, will react to my disclosure. but here goes :)--Christina, girl, you're first up and i KNOW you are totally surprised and like WTF is India up to, but eyyyy-lol:

CHRISTINA! HA, I won't get into HOW i met her or WHO introduced me to this beautiful spirit :) but I will say that I was reintroduced to her at ATL's Black Pride. When we finally connected, she'd copy about 20 cds--all pretty much new music- for me. She introduced me to Kinnie Starr (one of my favorites), The Postal Service, Gomez, even Queen Latifah's jazz music, and so much more. When I saw Christina, I was stunned by her beauty--She has to have one of the best smiles on the planet. I was so nervous that I had a hard time opening the cd holder and I couldn't stop smiling or staring at her, of couuse using my peripheral vision, when we were together. LOL. We'd talked on the phone for months and had only seen pictures of each other from a mutual acquaintance. she was shocked that i was so nervous because on the phone i was like the life of the party, (WUT WUT shawty). LOL. anyway we ended up dating for a short period of time and fortunately the friendship outlasted the relationship which is pretty kewl deal to me.

I love Christina's occupation: she is wildlife firefighter, which initially sparked my attraction to her. SHE fights fires in the FOREST. HOW cool is that!! HA! She has excellent taste in music--and movies--she recommends the good shit. She use to--doesn't do this anymore, not sure happened-(LOL)-read books to me over the phone throughout our long distance romance (HAHA). that was so sweet--they were all lesbian novels too:)! and we would listen to the Beetles and Tracey Chapman and sing the lyrics together.awwww!!! It was like we were in high school...LOL-haha!!!!! Christina is so giving and omg, she was totally there for me as I struggled with my mother's passing and an abusive relationship! I talked to you/her every single night and yo, i'm crying now --because you were there for me GIRL when i needed you--all the way. I don't say it often, but I NEED TO EXPRESS your value IN ANY MEDIUM I CAN. You are so freaking smart, kind, thoughtful, and beautiful! THIS is ALL for you and altho' it may not be the Oprah Winfrey Show; it's my Show and you're the starrrrrrah!

CHRIS girl I LOVE YOU soooo much AND YOU WILL ALWAYS BE SPECIAL TO ME. THANK you for BEING such a journeywoman, a dependable loving friend, being fully present in an industry dominated by men, spreading your love juice everywhere you go, and being nothing short of ladyeagle through it all. wheeee! CONGRADULATIONS MAMA, now the world knows of your greatness..ok, ok about 10 people :), but still. I hope you're ok with my disclosure and i took your pictures a long time ago without telling you:D. Enjoy Mexico.

And that's Christina!! wooohu.....

Friday, July 14, 2006

esthero/my babymama creesummer/and definition of a pirate

i don't fawn over white women, i keep it nappy :)

BUT MY GAWD i love ESTHERO! i love her vibe, stage presence, voice, energy, her cute cute chipmunk-like mouth (i'm weird), and clothes-I'd the raid heck out of the closet and steal all her pink shoes. you tube!! i'm addicted mannn :-)! i present my girl...esthero aka lil dukes aka dukes UP!!!! and also check out my babymama Cree, the dreamy cree--if i ever move to the Bay, i promise i'll spent ample time hanging out at the vegetable market stands (or whatever they're called) because i'm certain to find her there and get a tight hug again...thankyou thomas for sending me this link. i think i'm going to cry i need to find simone's blog.

yours truly,

pirate artemis passion flower, mistress of fierce tidal waves (from 2003-until)

Monday, July 10, 2006

taking an enema & implanting wheatgrass, yes!

my saturn return must be over, effective TODAY, because my dreams are unfolding in front of my big ol' eyes. the universe is opening up new directions and adventures for me and everything is making sense. for once, i am not nervous. i prayed, journaled, and sung a love song for this new direction. shift in focus. clarity in dreams. a life peristalsis, of sorts. after taking a !honest! life inventory, i made a decision to wipe that slate clean and start over from scratch and admit that i am/was a mess. altho' i didn't need confirmation, rob brezny-4sheezy forecast for the gemini did so without my permission. life is a self fulfulling prophecy, so i get what i *truly*believe i deserve, which essentially means that i am responsible for me. ME: India, the geekygoddess. i am interested in empowering myself and being in the company of other womyn willing to harness that energy for themselves and collectively heal the earth/communities/nation/world . i am a womyn who lives without fear. i am womyn whose mission is to align herSELF with the universe. a womyn who CHOOSES!to live boundless in mind body and spirit. I am a African god/dess among mortal womyn and men. a mountain womyn (thanks l'). a pirate. a ladyeagle. a femme that sometimes swaggers and bebops like a tomcat , and that inconsistency is ok too (thanks brandi!). a moon womyn, protectress of holistic healing. a fierce bodybuilder. a mindbuilder. a spiritbuilder.a mistress to crashing tidal waves. a yemaya descendent. !seeking companionship/to fall in love/to have a ridiculous amount of sex ;P et al was an attempt to cover up my loniness and fear of being alone and to have someone else validate me and my existence. during my time in NY (of all places) i recognized the difference between being alone and being lonely and being alone has its' reward. goodness i learned so much abt india, what she likes, what's important to her, and what direction she's wants to head. even with having those Aha moments, i want companionship/intimacy/amazing sex/a partner4life etc but it just ain't my focus. i'm redirecting the excess stored energy in my sacral chakras and sending it to my crown and 3E. because i see better with my eyes closed. this is my manifesto.

i. nkiru. a.

snippet of b. harper's brown eyed blues as i thank my Self for giving myself space and signing the permission slip to travel and learn abt the person in the mirror. next stop, michigan (camping @ womyns fest) and Arizona (backpacking)!

"If I knew being here with you today,
Would mean being alone tomorrow.
I would gladly trade all of my tomorrows away
For a moment with you."

Friday, June 23, 2006

New York, Here I come

so yeah, i'm super-duperly excited (and kinda nervous) to be traveling to new york.... alone, diving head first without a lifeguard on duty. this solo experience is very necessary for my own sanity and forces my to step outside of my comfort zone, discarding everything i've been taught about a woman traveling alone. i can't wait to be fully present, with my bells on, learning how to navigate the subway system and immersing myself in new york culture and subcultures (like black punk scene....mmmmhmmm)! good times are ahead. i will take plenty of photographs and write in my journal to document my experiences, emotions, hi-s, low-s, and everything in-between. despite living during a period where singlehood and being child-free at 30 continues to be frowned upon, going against the grain has its' perks--one is the freedom to just effortlessly travel at a moment's notice. give thanks for the opportunity to travel alone and to be single and childfree at 30....really, it's ok....

my experciences as a single African-am, African-centered, queer 30- year woman, or more simply, a ball of consciousness, traversing the state of New York will be well-documented using an inexpensive camcorder, nikon slr d70s digital cam, and through extensive journaling. I'll be staying at a hotel in Manhattan for 4 days then I'll be moving to an inexpensive eclectic artsy hostel for the remainder of my stay. honestly i don't plan on getting much sleep...:DDDlove.

being thankful and grateful for the op,


Wednesday, June 21, 2006

ding ding: i learned something

Love is not an emotion, it is your existence" A person identifies himself with a particular race, religion, culture and nationality, and he/she will fight for that, die for that.. and others will die with him/her too. Instead, share a broader perspective - that first and foremost we part of the Divine. Our second identity is that we are Human Beings. Third, we are male or female Fourth, is our nationality, the country to which we belong. Fifth, is our religion. If the order of identification is understood, then human values are honored. But if we identify with a particular religion or nationality, forgetting that first we are part of the Divine, and human beings then we bring misery unto ourselves and others as well. We have to have proper priorities. Everything is changing around you - your body, mind, priorities, friends, foes.. Everything is constantly changing. For this change to be recognized a reference point is needed - and That is your BEING! Wake Up! and see that you have a bigger identity than your gender! You identify yourself with the spirit. You are not just a piece of flesh and bone! You are Spirit! You are Life! This is when you need to know the knowledge.. That you are spirit. You are the sparkling, scintillating consiousness! When you identify yourself with that, all complexes dissolve and fade away. The ancient rishis said put it into a sentence "Tutvamsi" - "THOU ARE THAT" Don't think you are just amino acids, carbohydrates and proteins moulded into either 2 different forms - male & female. There is something beyond that - the spirit, the conciousness, the Bliss that you are, the joy that you are... Look to the Love that you are! Love is God, God is Love - because both are the same ethereal phenomenon. "What do you think you are? Do you think you are a solid body? Do you think you are a set of concepts, ideas and emotions?" No, No, No, Don't Mistake it! This Love that you are feeling - that is what you are. THOU ART THAT! -SRI SRI RAVI SHANKAR-

Friday, June 16, 2006


......"It is well to be up before daybreak, for such habits contribute to health, wealth, and wisdom." -Aristotle

daps to Aristotle*

.....I am a morning person, a rare breed
i rise at 5 am to go for a bike ride
....the air feels different, the sounds are foreign
....i am the only person on the road

yes it' s true, mornings are my favorite time of the day. most times, no matter how late i get to bed, i wake up early and maybe take a nap later if time permits. and it's merely because i was nurtured in such a way. i remember mums would rise at 4 in morning, with coffee ready, breakfast made, clothes already washed, table set, and morning walk already done and justa shining like, what? i appreciate mornings for they allow me time to get many things accomplished. i love to juice, rigorously clean, take loooong baths, stretch, organize my stuff, read, write affirmations and other expressions, mediate, cycle, go to the gym, cook breakfast, stare into space, write letters, watch dvds, or just open all my windows and lay there. then off i'm off with the rest of the world to start my day. sometimes i crash around lunchtime from this mild (i suppose) case of insominia, because i do stay up late most nights.

and yes, yes this is my lazy attempt to bump my prior sexual expression post down a notch....ol'lordy...i'm off.

picture: aloe plant on porch

Thursday, June 15, 2006

..the truth is that i'm just feeling sexy

pardon me,

i am a grown woman. my hormones are out of control. is it wrong to say that i'm feeling sexy? if your answer is yes, then dry fuck you (twice). i need to find a place where women are playfully freestyle dancing. i must coquettishingly place my phalanges on a sweat-laden woman in about 30 seconds or i will pass out from the humidity.

if you have not heard from me by month's end, know that i love colored women...


the narcissist who refuses to blog in summertime weather and masquerades as a nerd. now god bless you. love. (below) one of my favorite shots taken (umm this week). me and my sweetie. her name is shug and she's is bestest. we've been through the trenches, but we are still here. she is temperamental sometimes and recently, forcibly threw me off of her and onto a busy intersection in georgia. as one nice helpful man said, "you fell...but at least you fell on your butt, so you'll probably be ok." werd up. ding ding fockers, i smell a metaphor and a woman.

Friday, June 09, 2006

she makes me wanna die

just so no one thinks i'm suicidal, not 'die' in the literal sense. death metaphorically is rebirth. being born again is one of the most magickal shimmers of life. at any minute of the day, i have the ability to start over. martina's haunting, yet sexy voice, coupled with the hypnotic beats, are exactly what i need to soar at this moment. this song feels like an extension of me. combined, both are me, the speaker and the spoken to, the performer and audience..i am it/them! is it possible to make love to the beats in my headphones? if so, i'd f@*k a hole in this song.

"She makes me wanna die and change my stride -- and then I'll fly." yup, yup. and that's the blessing right there.

lyrics by the beautiful tricky and Martina (vocals)

She makes me wanna die
Follow where mary goes
Cherish the things she knows
Says if I change my stride
Then Ill fly
She makes me wanna die
Change my stride
Then Ill fly
Look to the sun
See me in psychic pollution
Walking on the moon
How could you dare?
Who do you think you are?
Youre insignificant
A small piece, an ism
No more no less
You try to learn the universe
Cant even converse in uni-verse
You know its ironic smoking hydroponic
She makes me wanna die
And change my stride
Then Ill fly
She makes me wanna die
Follow where mary goes
Cherish the things she knows
Says if I change my stride
Then Ill fly
And change my stride
Then Ill fly
Look to the sun
See me in psychic pollution
Walking on the moon
How could you dare?
Who do you think you are?
Youre insignificant
A small piece, an ism
No more no less
You try to learn the universe
Cant even converse in uni-verse
You know

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Mangoes? or ! or .

I bet you didn't know that mangoes are the only fruit that can satisfy all your nutritional needs as your sole whole food source?


Mangoes are a mouthful of orgasmic delight-One sniff and you're addicted. One taste and you are straight out mango whipped for eternity, held forever, excited by a brightly colored breast shaped fruit which gangs of roving monkeys use to force each other in territorial wars.

"What she talking 'bout? She done took a roadtrip and went crazy."

No if you decode the aformentioned cluster of words, it's clear (not really) that said crazy is merely retiring "eat-mangoes-nekkid" and may create a new blog soonish.

oh that's it. why the announcement?

i just felt like releasing this draft (LOL)--that's all. i am coming back to Ay-shawty-whatcho-name-mis tomorrow. yanno, i must say --the best part about roadtripping isn't the destination (outcome/result/score/tomorrow/expectation(s)), but the drive (surrendering/letting go/faith/NOW/trust)---which is definitely a metaphor for my life.

Ashe! Hotep! Ife! and Holla :)!


Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Today's My Earthday (I'm 30!)

I can't believe that I have had breath on this planet for 30 years....and I sometimes look and feel 18. The sun was in gemini, the moon was in aries, and i rise as a Virgo.

Yet I have made birthday resolutions. I will still be a dreamer, but a more realistic dreamer.

I will continue to love, but give myself the love I so freely give others. I realize that I completely deserve to receive love. I recognize that love isn't violent, love doesn't betray, love doesn't lie, and the like/similiar. Love IS.

I will continue to surrender, but surrender whole, not partially.

I will continue to nourish my spirit, knowing that it really is the essence, who i am, all there is, as my mums' transistioning illustrated. As Marianne Williamson so perfectly said, "The body is merely a temporary encasement. Spirit doesn't die when body dies. Physical death is like taking off an armor of clothes. To the ego, reality is only what we can see physically, but many things we know to exist can not be seen with the naked eye. Physical incarnation is like tuning into a television. If everyone alive is tuning onto channel 4, then when someone dies, they are no longer on channel 4 but it doesn't mean that they are NOT broadcasting. They are just on a different channel now." --that's peace!!!

I will continue holistic living and development, knowing that what i do everyday to earn a living is just as important as the food i eat, the thoughts i energize, and the whole truth i hide.

i am humble and broken-hearted enough to harness the strength to let go the foolishness. And so it IS.

thankyou godis, mums!!!, Africa, universe, miracles and magic(k), elders, sages, spirits, friends, family (adopted family), familiars, e-friends, heartbreak, love and lovers , everyday wimmin, menfolk, animals (totems), planets, lessons, fluorite crystal energy, risk, (surrendering) letting go, strength, and India..... i cry because i'm still here---through it all i'm still here, healthier than i was at 20. i'm grateful (YES) for, no taking life for granted. I am here, I gotta keep moving, no giving up on life on love on people--i am grateful for the experience, my own personal experience-the only experience. i shall not take my existence for granted. I'm 30 and i cry like a baby missing her mums.


life is a self-fulfilling prophecy, meaning my thoughts will eventually externalize; therefore, I get what I believe I deserve. I am learning to own my powers and intentionally create my day, everyday. Methinks that heaven and hell are both states of consciousness. I'm touching myself in heaven right now. --Me

i believe that energy follows thought. if i put my intention in the right place, it will eventually externalize. --Me

(i'm leaving the A today (for a minute) and i don't have a destination. but i will be driving miles away, trusting my intuitions, and healing and cleansing along the way). peace

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

whew! Expressions by Anais Nin

I postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by loving.
Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.
"I wanted to run out and kiss her fanatastic beauty and say: 'June, you have killed my sincerity too. I will never know again who I am, what I am, what I love, what I want. Your beauty has drowned me, the core of me. "You carry away with you a part of me reflected in you. When your beauty struck me, it dissolved me. Deep down, I am not different from you. I dreamed you, I wished for your existance. You are the woman I want to be. I see in you that part of me which is you. I feel compassion for your childlike pride, for your trembling unsureness, your dramatization of events, your enhancing of the loves given to you. I surrender my sincerity because if I love you it means we share the same fantasies, the same madnesses"


And then the day came,
when the risk
to remain tight
in a bud
was more painful
than the risk
it took
to Blossom. Anaïs Nin

Monday, May 22, 2006

Ding Ding

I am not trying to say that i am perfect. The human condition is that of imperfection. I am at once a subtle, (honest), gentle, broken heart and a straight-forward, brusque, fierce, (beautiful) woman and i own that right to be it all. these songs are about the triump and victory of great PAIN and great LOVE, and in my opinion, that is a GREAT place to be. (so help me godis)!

India.Arie (tweaked a bit by kilimanjaro)


If prayer is an intention that we announce to the universe in order to create a desired outcome, then our every thought is a prayer.
-Daily OM

Thursday, May 18, 2006


*completely stolen from the beautiful Phoenix, the phoenix that's even more beautiful in person :D

page break
new chapter
different story or same story, different song or same story, different dance

---i'll be off line for a while, meaning that i probably won't be answering my emails (********echoes heard). life's acallin', so i have to priortize. thank you beautifuls, for sharing, writing, exchanging, and experiencing with me. i can't stay away too long so i be back soonish, i miss those delicious blogs. in the meantime, i shall be here (again), pushing the max. 3-day stay to the limit. plus i'm building up my enzyme reserves, giving my digestion system a chance to rest, meaning i'm drinking liquids, fasting from solids, except org avocados and leafy green veggies, and feeling weird as hayell, energy-wise. yet i'm balancing the scales by folding myself into the lifeforce. and writing. and listening. laying out. all is well.

i am thankful.

absolute love. absolute light. absolute truth. absolute wisdom. and freedom so help me, godis.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

I am my mother

Ever look at pics of yourself and see your mums' or pops' eyes, nose, mouth, and/or spirit? If so, give thanks! I realized this weekend that I am my mother. And so it is, so it was, and so it will be. "You buy food just to throw it away." haha. I've gotten better! Four spirits connected this weekend, me, my mums, my girlfriend, and her mums. We both realized that our mums planned, organized, and nourished our much happened and there were/are no coincidences. I'm short on time but I know that our mums are something else. Clearly, my mums is ok with me loving woman, cause Love IS. Mommy Miriam and Mommy Marlene--RIP and love. And thank you! -I and C

Friday, May 12, 2006

Benefits of Probiotics (GOOD bacteria)

When most people think of bacteria in the body, the first thing that comes to mind is usually infection and the need for antibiotics to get rid of them. But there are billions of bacteria in your digestive system, both good and bad, all the time and sometimes we even need to supplement with the good bacteria in order to prevent the bad bacteria from doing damage.

Friendly bacteria manufacture nutrients, get rid of toxins, safeguard against putrefaction in the digestive tract, crowd out and destroy "bad" bacteria, improve digestive processes and enhance our body's immune defenses. A shift in the balance of power among the intestinal bacteria can have major consequences on your health. Widespread use of antibiotics has perhaps been the biggest factor responsible for upsetting the ecological balance in the gut.

Probiotics are the organisms that protect and enhance our life. They support the life of friendly bacteria. Some common supplemental probiotics include the yeast Saccharomyces and the bacterias Lactobacillus, Streptococcus and Bifidobacterium. L. bulgaricus and S. thermophilus are essential organisms in any commercially available yogurt, although many additional probiotics may be contained in yogurts sold in health food stores.

Prebiotics are foods that digested by bacterial enzymes to produce nutrients for the colonic health. Common examples of prebiotics include fiber, especially oat and barley.

Lactobacillus GG (LGG) produces a bactericidal substance which is active against several kinds of bacteria, including E. coli and Salmonella. Several scientific studies have documented the beneficial role of LGG in preventing in preventing intestinal problems. One study demonstrated that LGG results in a 47% reduction in traveler's diarrhea among subjects visiting developing countries.

Administration of probiotics has also been shown to prevent spread of diarrhea among kids in day care. Widespread use of Lactobacillus has been shown to prevent diarrhea among malnourished children in developing nations.
Several scientific studies have documented the beneficial effect of probiotics in illnesses like food allergies, antibiotic associated diarrhea, infantile diarrhea, ulcerative colitis, Crohn's disease, irritable bowel syndrome and colon cancer.
In general, probiotics are more helpful in viral than in bacterial diarrhea suggesting immune enhancement as the mechanism of their action.

Probiotics exert their healing properties beyond gut too. They have been shown to decrease infectious complications in severe pancreatitis. Oral administration of probiotics is helpful in bacterial vaginosis. Some probiotics inhibit carcinogenesis in animals and may be valuable against cancer. Studies also suggest that they help lower blood cholesterol.

When buying yogurt or another probiotic product, relying on the term "live" bacteria or cultures is not sufficient. Make sure some of the bacteria that I mentioned earlier are present and check the number of bacteria per gram or capsule, as the case may be. Some experts recommend that yogurt should contain at least 3-5 billion live bacteria per gram in order exert its probiotic effects. If there are not sufficient bacteria present, enough of them may not survive the digestive process in order to make a difference. The quantity of live bacteria in most popular brands of yogurt is one hundred to a few hundred million per gram but nowhere close to 3-5 billion needed to achieve benefit as a probiotic.

Are probiotic bacteria safe for use as dietary supplements or to treat disease? The answer is yes. Probiotics have been used in various cultures and lack of evidence of their migration from the gut to the blood, attests to their safety. The beneficial effects of probiotics in HIV patients supports their usefulness even among immune suppressed patients. However, one should not use an organism as a probiotic without scientific evidence that it is indeed safe and effective. Purchase a probiotic product that has been proven to be beneficial in clinical studies. Not all probiotics are effective against every disease. In fact, even different strains of a probiotic like Lactobacillus confer different healing properties.

It's possible that certain combinations of probiotics may be superior to using just one strain. For example, probiotic VSL#3 has been documented to be beneficial in several digestive disorders. It contains four strains of Lactobacillus, three strains of Bifidobacterium, one strain of Streptococcus salivarius. Each dose pack contains about 450 billion live bacteria.

For more info on probiotics

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Oxytocin and soul-ties

Oxytocin is a mammalian hormone that also acts as a neurotransmitter in the brain. In women, it is released mainly after distention of the cervix and vagina during labor, and after stimulation of the nipples, facilitating birth and breastfeeding, respectively.

Oxytocin is released during orgasm in both sexes. In the brain, oxytocin is involved in social recognition and bonding, and might be involved in the formation of trust between people. Working together with testosterone and estrogen, oxytocin causes erections in men and uterine contractions in women, resulting in orgasm if there's a deluge of the hormone. It's thanks to the excess of this spellbinding little chemical that women can experience full-body or multiple orgasms. The flood of oxytocin at orgasm acts as a natural tranquilizer (lowering blood pressure and blunting sensitivity to pain and stress) and makes us want to cuddle and sleep. Generally, women are much more strongly influenced by oxytocin than men, hence the greater likelihood of women to become attached after a night of casual sex. Oxytocin also plays other significant roles for women--it's responsible for uterine contractions during childbirth and stimulates the release of milk during breast-feeding. The tranquilizing effect of oxytocin at these moments helps create the nurturing and bonding feelings a mother has for her child.

Each time we have sexual contact with another person,we create more cords,and remain connected to that person throughout the rest of our lives. Sometimes this causes confusion in those who have had a lot of sex partners,especially if the relationship was not healthy. These cords however can be cleared and cleaned so that the positive aspects of the connections remain and the negative are healed.

I give myself full permission to honor my emotions!

May 11, 2006
Permission To Feel
Pushing Away Emotions
Throughout our lives, we may experience emotions that disturb or distress us. Often, our first reaction is to push our feelings away. We may say, "I don't want to think about that right now, I'll think about it later" and we bury our emotions, deny the validity of our feelings, or distract ourselves with other concerns. But the diverse emotions you experience are neither good nor bad-they are simply a part being human. Choosing not to experience pain, anger, or other intense feelings could cause those feelings to become buried deep into your physical body. There, they may linger unresolved and unable to emerge, even as they affect the way you experience the world. Allowing yourself to experience all of your emotions rather than push the more painful ones away can help you come to terms with your feelings so you can experience them and then move on.

It is possible to bring forth the old feelings you have pushed aside and experience them in a safe and enriching way. It may sound silly to set aside time to feel your old wounds that you haven't dealt with, but this can be a very beneficial healing experience. Find a safel place and pick a time when you can be alone. Make sure that you feel secure and comfortable in your surroundings. Bring to mind the circumstances that originally triggered the emotions you've been pushing away. You may need to revisit these circumstances by reading relevant entries in your journal or using visualization to relive your past. Once you have triggered your long-denied emotions, let yourself feel your feelings, and try not to judge your reactions. Cry or sound your emotions if you need to, and don't block the flow of your feelings. Allow any thoughts that are connected to your emotions to surface. As you release the feelings you have pushed inside of you, you will find yourself healing from ! the experience associated with these emotions.

When you deal with your feelings directly, they can move through you rather than staying stopped up in your body as emotional blocks that can sometimes turn into disease. Acknowledging your emotions, instead of pushing them away, allows you to stay emotionally healthy and in touch with your feeling

Sunday, May 07, 2006

lil truth lies all things

You are dreamy and mystical, with a natural psychic ability.

You love music, poetry, dance, and (most of all) the open sea.

Your soul is filled with possibilities, and your heart overflows with compassion.

You can be in a room full of friendly people and feel all alone.

If you don't get carried away with one idea, your spiritual nature will see you through anything.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Silly Survey. Ready-Set-Go

THE Queer SURVEY *note: I flew through this....Hopefully I have a chance to finish up my other post....but this was funnnn...radical fun..wheeeeeee!LOL

1. How Old Were You When You Knew You Were Queer?
about 7ish when i started hunching lil gyrls

2. Have You Ever Had Sex With The Opposite Sex?

3. Who Is The First Person You Came Out To?Kendra (freshman year in college) circa 1994 who immediately came out to

4. Are You Out To Your Parents?i've always thought my mums knew but she never asked. she always really nice to the "friends" i brought home. dad-no

5. Do You Want Children?absolutely, from my womb...i wanna feel alla that!

6. Do You Have More Queer Friends or Straight Friends?queer and "questioning" straight friends, which i think is wonderful

7. Were You Out in School?not in high school. rumored then came out 2nd year in crazy times--this was right after being on line as a tail and crossing as a member in this ----> sorority, lol- an undercover "i heard she was kinda funny" dykety-dyke dyke crazy because you were talked about if folks suspected you were queer in 1995 and definitely weren't in a sorority. it was really an awful time but i made it. dem 'yatches were mean back then. but truthfully, it was all so silly and i could never be active as an alumni....even today. boy, proof that people do change. radically sometimes.

8. Is Your Best Friend The Same Sex As You? no but he identifies as a feminist, just some unneccessary xtra info! his name is Thomas and he is so wonderful. I met him when I worked at the YMCA and we pretended like we were a couple. It was ridiculous and funny most of the time. He has the most beautiful feet you ever wanna see.

9. If Your Best Friend Is The Same Sex, have you ever had sex with them?non applicable, he's male and gay as a bowl of fruit loops and/or cheerios!!

10. Have you ever done crystal meth?no. but i've done some other nameless stuff

11. Have You Ever Been In A Sling?yes, I broke many bones throughout my lifetime ;) wha? did i not answer mayne

12. Have You Ever Done A 3-way? yes

13. Have You Ever Dressed In Drag?
YES! i love dressing in dragggggg-heheh. plus i love to play silly games and role-play...hilarious...just call me Indiana Jones...bwahahahaha!!!

13. Would you date a Drag queen?no ; a drag king perhaps...cheah!!!!

14. Are You A Top/Bottom or truly Versatile? truly, truly! versatile and-thats-all-i-have-to-say-about-that!!!! :)

15. Have You Seen An Uncircumsized Penis?hayell to the fuck noll, my brotha

16. Have You Had Sex With Someone of A Different Race? yes

17. Have You Ever Barebacked?could you define bareback?

18. How Many Cher CDs do you own?c'mon-who?

19. Name Of Your First True Love?my mums (m.a.a.)

20. Do You Still Talk To them? yes everyday !!!!

21. Does Size Matter?haha; perhaps

22. Biggest Turn On? athleticism; go-getters; creativity; skreet banter; smiles; natural hair; falling outside status quo; voices; strong legs; backs; and forearms; tattoos; confidence; smiles; musicians; art; piercings

23. Biggest Turn Off?ignorance; lack of compassion; greediness; gossip; too much TV; stagnation; bad vibes; negative energy; heavy meat consumption, extreme conservatives; complacency; selfishness; cockiness

24. Ever Been Harrassed Because You Are queer?yes--questioned and harassed. :(

25. Worst Gay/quuer Sterotype That Applies To You?veggie; natural hair; sometimes boho; africentric; thrift store shopping; sexually liberated (all so silly)....and sometimes i wear a pinky ring (gasp!!!)

26. been To A Pride Rally?yes --i'm here, im queer, get use to it....LOL, so silly

27. Would You Marry If You Could?
possibly.....i'm back and forth on the issue to be honest. only to have the rights but i could care less about govt sanctioned marriages

28. Would you rather be rich and smart or young and beautiful?i'm sorry but this is a stoopid question

29. Do You Sculpt Your Eyebrows?sometimes

30. Do You Trim Your Body?some areas but i really wanna leave my hair alone and let it bush out.....lolol. i really need to stop shaving my legs but i can't seem to stop.

31. Ever had sex with more than one person in a day?now that goes back to that 3some question..i would like to buy a vowel

32. Ever been to an orgy? no

33. Have you dated your best friends ex?she moved to alabama, i was young and silly, it was messy situation :(

34. Would you vote for Hillary Clinton if she ran for president?anybody but bush

35. Do you want monogamy in your relationships?yes. i have fleeting thoughts about polyamory....i said fleeting :) and I clearly understand this would not work well at this time in my life. No seriously, monogomy is kinda kewl but I don't think it should s/b standard and central to every relationship on this planet. But I wonder could polyamory actually work in western culture, where sex is the focus, cuz clearly it's not received well ? I (think) I could definitely be in a poly relationship again .i really like the idea of establishing true, open, * honest*, loving, bonds and intimate connections (with or without sexual contact, ) with other women at certain points in my life, which is completely independent of how i feel about my sweetness. and i'd love to raise a family while being this type of relationship *there are no hidden messages in the aforementioned statements ;). i promise

36. Do you believe in true love?love-yes! i'm not sure what this "true love" business means. love is love. it all comes from the same source/space.

37. Do you have any tattoos?yes, lots

38. Do you have any piercings?yes, lots...ok a few :)

39. Would you date a smoker?depends on what this smoker be smokin

40. Sexiest thing ever said to you? take that bulky pad off and let it bleed--oooh 40b. silliest thing said to you by a "straight" (right!) person? do you actually eat it???? hahahahahahaa, that was soooo funnayyyyyy i told her, no i breathe on it and she believed!!!! the sistah was sooo sweet, i feel bad for putting her on blast but if you're reading this....HAHAHA!!!! no seriously, it was all good :) but it was the way she said it that was soooo funnayyyy!

41. Sexiest from who? mi bushwoman, C

42. Do you know what Stonewall was? of course.

43. Wonder Woman, Xena or The Halliwell Sisters?definitely wonder woman--xena close 2nd

44. Strangest place you have had sex?railroad tracks in my old neighborhood

45. Strangest place you've woken up?i'm pretty aware of the places i wake up....i wake up outdoors but I don't think that's too strange

46. Are your best years behind or in front of you?right now at this very moment

47. Favorite porn movie?dont really have a favorite one, dont watch it much--porn just make me laugh....whooooo too funny

48. Are you in love now? yes-which is delicious and scary

49. Ever been in love with a straight guy/girl?love-no. crush? yeah, a few times.

50. Did you ever have sex with them?no

51. Have you ever been to a nude beach?no but i'd love too...not b/c i wanna be around old naked melanin-deficient people, i just like being out in the elements, without clothes and letting air blow against my skin and sweetest parts feel so good. honest answer here. melanated skin thrives off being exposed to the sun so black folks and other wonderfully colored folks should sun bath more. the sun activates the chemical in our skin and is a remedy for depression. look it up!!!

52. Have you ever been to a bath house?if this is like a sweat lodge then yes. i've taken an outdoor shower.

53. Ever had sex in public?
yes-only out in the elements
sex around other people-no
heavy making out around other people-yes

ok-ok this survey was useless and silly!!!!!!!

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Burning out cat piss

I stumbled across this well-preserved, fake Pier One-esque trunk at my local Goodwill and paid 10 bucks. Good deal, right? Wrong!!!!!! This trunk reeks of cat piss and i guess I didn't notice the smell in the store because the store, altho' it typically has good bargains, stanks anyway. But who on earth would keep this nasty box in the house ? I've been cleaning and smudging and cleaning and smudging for over a week. I used vinegar, Lysol Disinfectant, Shout!, Listerine, and burned rocks and incense and it still stank. The previous owner must have let his/her cat sleep, fuck, and pass away in this thing. Does anyone know how to get cat piss out of wicker?? I'm so serious.