Sunday, May 28, 2006

Mangoes? or ! or .

I bet you didn't know that mangoes are the only fruit that can satisfy all your nutritional needs as your sole whole food source?


Mangoes are a mouthful of orgasmic delight-One sniff and you're addicted. One taste and you are straight out mango whipped for eternity, held forever, excited by a brightly colored breast shaped fruit which gangs of roving monkeys use to force each other in territorial wars.

"What she talking 'bout? She done took a roadtrip and went crazy."

No if you decode the aformentioned cluster of words, it's clear (not really) that said crazy is merely retiring "eat-mangoes-nekkid" and may create a new blog soonish.

oh that's it. why the announcement?

i just felt like releasing this draft (LOL)--that's all. i am coming back to Ay-shawty-whatcho-name-mis tomorrow. yanno, i must say --the best part about roadtripping isn't the destination (outcome/result/score/tomorrow/expectation(s)), but the drive (surrendering/letting go/faith/NOW/trust)---which is definitely a metaphor for my life.

Ashe! Hotep! Ife! and Holla :)!


Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Today's My Earthday (I'm 30!)

I can't believe that I have had breath on this planet for 30 years....and I sometimes look and feel 18. The sun was in gemini, the moon was in aries, and i rise as a Virgo.

Yet I have made birthday resolutions. I will still be a dreamer, but a more realistic dreamer.

I will continue to love, but give myself the love I so freely give others. I realize that I completely deserve to receive love. I recognize that love isn't violent, love doesn't betray, love doesn't lie, and the like/similiar. Love IS.

I will continue to surrender, but surrender whole, not partially.

I will continue to nourish my spirit, knowing that it really is the essence, who i am, all there is, as my mums' transistioning illustrated. As Marianne Williamson so perfectly said, "The body is merely a temporary encasement. Spirit doesn't die when body dies. Physical death is like taking off an armor of clothes. To the ego, reality is only what we can see physically, but many things we know to exist can not be seen with the naked eye. Physical incarnation is like tuning into a television. If everyone alive is tuning onto channel 4, then when someone dies, they are no longer on channel 4 but it doesn't mean that they are NOT broadcasting. They are just on a different channel now." --that's peace!!!

I will continue holistic living and development, knowing that what i do everyday to earn a living is just as important as the food i eat, the thoughts i energize, and the whole truth i hide.

i am humble and broken-hearted enough to harness the strength to let go the foolishness. And so it IS.

thankyou godis, mums!!!, Africa, universe, miracles and magic(k), elders, sages, spirits, friends, family (adopted family), familiars, e-friends, heartbreak, love and lovers , everyday wimmin, menfolk, animals (totems), planets, lessons, fluorite crystal energy, risk, (surrendering) letting go, strength, and India..... i cry because i'm still here---through it all i'm still here, healthier than i was at 20. i'm grateful (YES) for, no taking life for granted. I am here, I gotta keep moving, no giving up on life on love on people--i am grateful for the experience, my own personal experience-the only experience. i shall not take my existence for granted. I'm 30 and i cry like a baby missing her mums.


life is a self-fulfilling prophecy, meaning my thoughts will eventually externalize; therefore, I get what I believe I deserve. I am learning to own my powers and intentionally create my day, everyday. Methinks that heaven and hell are both states of consciousness. I'm touching myself in heaven right now. --Me

i believe that energy follows thought. if i put my intention in the right place, it will eventually externalize. --Me

(i'm leaving the A today (for a minute) and i don't have a destination. but i will be driving miles away, trusting my intuitions, and healing and cleansing along the way). peace

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

whew! Expressions by Anais Nin

I postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by loving.
Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.
"I wanted to run out and kiss her fanatastic beauty and say: 'June, you have killed my sincerity too. I will never know again who I am, what I am, what I love, what I want. Your beauty has drowned me, the core of me. "You carry away with you a part of me reflected in you. When your beauty struck me, it dissolved me. Deep down, I am not different from you. I dreamed you, I wished for your existance. You are the woman I want to be. I see in you that part of me which is you. I feel compassion for your childlike pride, for your trembling unsureness, your dramatization of events, your enhancing of the loves given to you. I surrender my sincerity because if I love you it means we share the same fantasies, the same madnesses"


And then the day came,
when the risk
to remain tight
in a bud
was more painful
than the risk
it took
to Blossom. Anaïs Nin

Monday, May 22, 2006

Ding Ding

I am not trying to say that i am perfect. The human condition is that of imperfection. I am at once a subtle, (honest), gentle, broken heart and a straight-forward, brusque, fierce, (beautiful) woman and i own that right to be it all. these songs are about the triump and victory of great PAIN and great LOVE, and in my opinion, that is a GREAT place to be. (so help me godis)!

India.Arie (tweaked a bit by kilimanjaro)


If prayer is an intention that we announce to the universe in order to create a desired outcome, then our every thought is a prayer.
-Daily OM

Thursday, May 18, 2006


*completely stolen from the beautiful Phoenix, the phoenix that's even more beautiful in person :D

page break
new chapter
different story or same story, different song or same story, different dance

---i'll be off line for a while, meaning that i probably won't be answering my emails (********echoes heard). life's acallin', so i have to priortize. thank you beautifuls, for sharing, writing, exchanging, and experiencing with me. i can't stay away too long so i be back soonish, i miss those delicious blogs. in the meantime, i shall be here (again), pushing the max. 3-day stay to the limit. plus i'm building up my enzyme reserves, giving my digestion system a chance to rest, meaning i'm drinking liquids, fasting from solids, except org avocados and leafy green veggies, and feeling weird as hayell, energy-wise. yet i'm balancing the scales by folding myself into the lifeforce. and writing. and listening. laying out. all is well.

i am thankful.

absolute love. absolute light. absolute truth. absolute wisdom. and freedom so help me, godis.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

I am my mother

Ever look at pics of yourself and see your mums' or pops' eyes, nose, mouth, and/or spirit? If so, give thanks! I realized this weekend that I am my mother. And so it is, so it was, and so it will be. "You buy food just to throw it away." haha. I've gotten better! Four spirits connected this weekend, me, my mums, my girlfriend, and her mums. We both realized that our mums planned, organized, and nourished our much happened and there were/are no coincidences. I'm short on time but I know that our mums are something else. Clearly, my mums is ok with me loving woman, cause Love IS. Mommy Miriam and Mommy Marlene--RIP and love. And thank you! -I and C

Friday, May 12, 2006

Benefits of Probiotics (GOOD bacteria)

When most people think of bacteria in the body, the first thing that comes to mind is usually infection and the need for antibiotics to get rid of them. But there are billions of bacteria in your digestive system, both good and bad, all the time and sometimes we even need to supplement with the good bacteria in order to prevent the bad bacteria from doing damage.

Friendly bacteria manufacture nutrients, get rid of toxins, safeguard against putrefaction in the digestive tract, crowd out and destroy "bad" bacteria, improve digestive processes and enhance our body's immune defenses. A shift in the balance of power among the intestinal bacteria can have major consequences on your health. Widespread use of antibiotics has perhaps been the biggest factor responsible for upsetting the ecological balance in the gut.

Probiotics are the organisms that protect and enhance our life. They support the life of friendly bacteria. Some common supplemental probiotics include the yeast Saccharomyces and the bacterias Lactobacillus, Streptococcus and Bifidobacterium. L. bulgaricus and S. thermophilus are essential organisms in any commercially available yogurt, although many additional probiotics may be contained in yogurts sold in health food stores.

Prebiotics are foods that digested by bacterial enzymes to produce nutrients for the colonic health. Common examples of prebiotics include fiber, especially oat and barley.

Lactobacillus GG (LGG) produces a bactericidal substance which is active against several kinds of bacteria, including E. coli and Salmonella. Several scientific studies have documented the beneficial role of LGG in preventing in preventing intestinal problems. One study demonstrated that LGG results in a 47% reduction in traveler's diarrhea among subjects visiting developing countries.

Administration of probiotics has also been shown to prevent spread of diarrhea among kids in day care. Widespread use of Lactobacillus has been shown to prevent diarrhea among malnourished children in developing nations.
Several scientific studies have documented the beneficial effect of probiotics in illnesses like food allergies, antibiotic associated diarrhea, infantile diarrhea, ulcerative colitis, Crohn's disease, irritable bowel syndrome and colon cancer.
In general, probiotics are more helpful in viral than in bacterial diarrhea suggesting immune enhancement as the mechanism of their action.

Probiotics exert their healing properties beyond gut too. They have been shown to decrease infectious complications in severe pancreatitis. Oral administration of probiotics is helpful in bacterial vaginosis. Some probiotics inhibit carcinogenesis in animals and may be valuable against cancer. Studies also suggest that they help lower blood cholesterol.

When buying yogurt or another probiotic product, relying on the term "live" bacteria or cultures is not sufficient. Make sure some of the bacteria that I mentioned earlier are present and check the number of bacteria per gram or capsule, as the case may be. Some experts recommend that yogurt should contain at least 3-5 billion live bacteria per gram in order exert its probiotic effects. If there are not sufficient bacteria present, enough of them may not survive the digestive process in order to make a difference. The quantity of live bacteria in most popular brands of yogurt is one hundred to a few hundred million per gram but nowhere close to 3-5 billion needed to achieve benefit as a probiotic.

Are probiotic bacteria safe for use as dietary supplements or to treat disease? The answer is yes. Probiotics have been used in various cultures and lack of evidence of their migration from the gut to the blood, attests to their safety. The beneficial effects of probiotics in HIV patients supports their usefulness even among immune suppressed patients. However, one should not use an organism as a probiotic without scientific evidence that it is indeed safe and effective. Purchase a probiotic product that has been proven to be beneficial in clinical studies. Not all probiotics are effective against every disease. In fact, even different strains of a probiotic like Lactobacillus confer different healing properties.

It's possible that certain combinations of probiotics may be superior to using just one strain. For example, probiotic VSL#3 has been documented to be beneficial in several digestive disorders. It contains four strains of Lactobacillus, three strains of Bifidobacterium, one strain of Streptococcus salivarius. Each dose pack contains about 450 billion live bacteria.

For more info on probiotics

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Oxytocin and soul-ties

Oxytocin is a mammalian hormone that also acts as a neurotransmitter in the brain. In women, it is released mainly after distention of the cervix and vagina during labor, and after stimulation of the nipples, facilitating birth and breastfeeding, respectively.

Oxytocin is released during orgasm in both sexes. In the brain, oxytocin is involved in social recognition and bonding, and might be involved in the formation of trust between people. Working together with testosterone and estrogen, oxytocin causes erections in men and uterine contractions in women, resulting in orgasm if there's a deluge of the hormone. It's thanks to the excess of this spellbinding little chemical that women can experience full-body or multiple orgasms. The flood of oxytocin at orgasm acts as a natural tranquilizer (lowering blood pressure and blunting sensitivity to pain and stress) and makes us want to cuddle and sleep. Generally, women are much more strongly influenced by oxytocin than men, hence the greater likelihood of women to become attached after a night of casual sex. Oxytocin also plays other significant roles for women--it's responsible for uterine contractions during childbirth and stimulates the release of milk during breast-feeding. The tranquilizing effect of oxytocin at these moments helps create the nurturing and bonding feelings a mother has for her child.

Each time we have sexual contact with another person,we create more cords,and remain connected to that person throughout the rest of our lives. Sometimes this causes confusion in those who have had a lot of sex partners,especially if the relationship was not healthy. These cords however can be cleared and cleaned so that the positive aspects of the connections remain and the negative are healed.

I give myself full permission to honor my emotions!

May 11, 2006
Permission To Feel
Pushing Away Emotions
Throughout our lives, we may experience emotions that disturb or distress us. Often, our first reaction is to push our feelings away. We may say, "I don't want to think about that right now, I'll think about it later" and we bury our emotions, deny the validity of our feelings, or distract ourselves with other concerns. But the diverse emotions you experience are neither good nor bad-they are simply a part being human. Choosing not to experience pain, anger, or other intense feelings could cause those feelings to become buried deep into your physical body. There, they may linger unresolved and unable to emerge, even as they affect the way you experience the world. Allowing yourself to experience all of your emotions rather than push the more painful ones away can help you come to terms with your feelings so you can experience them and then move on.

It is possible to bring forth the old feelings you have pushed aside and experience them in a safe and enriching way. It may sound silly to set aside time to feel your old wounds that you haven't dealt with, but this can be a very beneficial healing experience. Find a safel place and pick a time when you can be alone. Make sure that you feel secure and comfortable in your surroundings. Bring to mind the circumstances that originally triggered the emotions you've been pushing away. You may need to revisit these circumstances by reading relevant entries in your journal or using visualization to relive your past. Once you have triggered your long-denied emotions, let yourself feel your feelings, and try not to judge your reactions. Cry or sound your emotions if you need to, and don't block the flow of your feelings. Allow any thoughts that are connected to your emotions to surface. As you release the feelings you have pushed inside of you, you will find yourself healing from ! the experience associated with these emotions.

When you deal with your feelings directly, they can move through you rather than staying stopped up in your body as emotional blocks that can sometimes turn into disease. Acknowledging your emotions, instead of pushing them away, allows you to stay emotionally healthy and in touch with your feeling

Sunday, May 07, 2006

lil truth lies all things

You are dreamy and mystical, with a natural psychic ability.

You love music, poetry, dance, and (most of all) the open sea.

Your soul is filled with possibilities, and your heart overflows with compassion.

You can be in a room full of friendly people and feel all alone.

If you don't get carried away with one idea, your spiritual nature will see you through anything.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Silly Survey. Ready-Set-Go

THE Queer SURVEY *note: I flew through this....Hopefully I have a chance to finish up my other post....but this was funnnn...radical fun..wheeeeeee!LOL

1. How Old Were You When You Knew You Were Queer?
about 7ish when i started hunching lil gyrls

2. Have You Ever Had Sex With The Opposite Sex?

3. Who Is The First Person You Came Out To?Kendra (freshman year in college) circa 1994 who immediately came out to

4. Are You Out To Your Parents?i've always thought my mums knew but she never asked. she always really nice to the "friends" i brought home. dad-no

5. Do You Want Children?absolutely, from my womb...i wanna feel alla that!

6. Do You Have More Queer Friends or Straight Friends?queer and "questioning" straight friends, which i think is wonderful

7. Were You Out in School?not in high school. rumored then came out 2nd year in crazy times--this was right after being on line as a tail and crossing as a member in this ----> sorority, lol- an undercover "i heard she was kinda funny" dykety-dyke dyke crazy because you were talked about if folks suspected you were queer in 1995 and definitely weren't in a sorority. it was really an awful time but i made it. dem 'yatches were mean back then. but truthfully, it was all so silly and i could never be active as an alumni....even today. boy, proof that people do change. radically sometimes.

8. Is Your Best Friend The Same Sex As You? no but he identifies as a feminist, just some unneccessary xtra info! his name is Thomas and he is so wonderful. I met him when I worked at the YMCA and we pretended like we were a couple. It was ridiculous and funny most of the time. He has the most beautiful feet you ever wanna see.

9. If Your Best Friend Is The Same Sex, have you ever had sex with them?non applicable, he's male and gay as a bowl of fruit loops and/or cheerios!!

10. Have you ever done crystal meth?no. but i've done some other nameless stuff

11. Have You Ever Been In A Sling?yes, I broke many bones throughout my lifetime ;) wha? did i not answer mayne

12. Have You Ever Done A 3-way? yes

13. Have You Ever Dressed In Drag?
YES! i love dressing in dragggggg-heheh. plus i love to play silly games and role-play...hilarious...just call me Indiana Jones...bwahahahaha!!!

13. Would you date a Drag queen?no ; a drag king perhaps...cheah!!!!

14. Are You A Top/Bottom or truly Versatile? truly, truly! versatile and-thats-all-i-have-to-say-about-that!!!! :)

15. Have You Seen An Uncircumsized Penis?hayell to the fuck noll, my brotha

16. Have You Had Sex With Someone of A Different Race? yes

17. Have You Ever Barebacked?could you define bareback?

18. How Many Cher CDs do you own?c'mon-who?

19. Name Of Your First True Love?my mums (m.a.a.)

20. Do You Still Talk To them? yes everyday !!!!

21. Does Size Matter?haha; perhaps

22. Biggest Turn On? athleticism; go-getters; creativity; skreet banter; smiles; natural hair; falling outside status quo; voices; strong legs; backs; and forearms; tattoos; confidence; smiles; musicians; art; piercings

23. Biggest Turn Off?ignorance; lack of compassion; greediness; gossip; too much TV; stagnation; bad vibes; negative energy; heavy meat consumption, extreme conservatives; complacency; selfishness; cockiness

24. Ever Been Harrassed Because You Are queer?yes--questioned and harassed. :(

25. Worst Gay/quuer Sterotype That Applies To You?veggie; natural hair; sometimes boho; africentric; thrift store shopping; sexually liberated (all so silly)....and sometimes i wear a pinky ring (gasp!!!)

26. been To A Pride Rally?yes --i'm here, im queer, get use to it....LOL, so silly

27. Would You Marry If You Could?
possibly.....i'm back and forth on the issue to be honest. only to have the rights but i could care less about govt sanctioned marriages

28. Would you rather be rich and smart or young and beautiful?i'm sorry but this is a stoopid question

29. Do You Sculpt Your Eyebrows?sometimes

30. Do You Trim Your Body?some areas but i really wanna leave my hair alone and let it bush out.....lolol. i really need to stop shaving my legs but i can't seem to stop.

31. Ever had sex with more than one person in a day?now that goes back to that 3some question..i would like to buy a vowel

32. Ever been to an orgy? no

33. Have you dated your best friends ex?she moved to alabama, i was young and silly, it was messy situation :(

34. Would you vote for Hillary Clinton if she ran for president?anybody but bush

35. Do you want monogamy in your relationships?yes. i have fleeting thoughts about polyamory....i said fleeting :) and I clearly understand this would not work well at this time in my life. No seriously, monogomy is kinda kewl but I don't think it should s/b standard and central to every relationship on this planet. But I wonder could polyamory actually work in western culture, where sex is the focus, cuz clearly it's not received well ? I (think) I could definitely be in a poly relationship again .i really like the idea of establishing true, open, * honest*, loving, bonds and intimate connections (with or without sexual contact, ) with other women at certain points in my life, which is completely independent of how i feel about my sweetness. and i'd love to raise a family while being this type of relationship *there are no hidden messages in the aforementioned statements ;). i promise

36. Do you believe in true love?love-yes! i'm not sure what this "true love" business means. love is love. it all comes from the same source/space.

37. Do you have any tattoos?yes, lots

38. Do you have any piercings?yes, lots...ok a few :)

39. Would you date a smoker?depends on what this smoker be smokin

40. Sexiest thing ever said to you? take that bulky pad off and let it bleed--oooh 40b. silliest thing said to you by a "straight" (right!) person? do you actually eat it???? hahahahahahaa, that was soooo funnayyyyyy i told her, no i breathe on it and she believed!!!! the sistah was sooo sweet, i feel bad for putting her on blast but if you're reading this....HAHAHA!!!! no seriously, it was all good :) but it was the way she said it that was soooo funnayyyy!

41. Sexiest from who? mi bushwoman, C

42. Do you know what Stonewall was? of course.

43. Wonder Woman, Xena or The Halliwell Sisters?definitely wonder woman--xena close 2nd

44. Strangest place you have had sex?railroad tracks in my old neighborhood

45. Strangest place you've woken up?i'm pretty aware of the places i wake up....i wake up outdoors but I don't think that's too strange

46. Are your best years behind or in front of you?right now at this very moment

47. Favorite porn movie?dont really have a favorite one, dont watch it much--porn just make me laugh....whooooo too funny

48. Are you in love now? yes-which is delicious and scary

49. Ever been in love with a straight guy/girl?love-no. crush? yeah, a few times.

50. Did you ever have sex with them?no

51. Have you ever been to a nude beach?no but i'd love too...not b/c i wanna be around old naked melanin-deficient people, i just like being out in the elements, without clothes and letting air blow against my skin and sweetest parts feel so good. honest answer here. melanated skin thrives off being exposed to the sun so black folks and other wonderfully colored folks should sun bath more. the sun activates the chemical in our skin and is a remedy for depression. look it up!!!

52. Have you ever been to a bath house?if this is like a sweat lodge then yes. i've taken an outdoor shower.

53. Ever had sex in public?
yes-only out in the elements
sex around other people-no
heavy making out around other people-yes

ok-ok this survey was useless and silly!!!!!!!

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Burning out cat piss

I stumbled across this well-preserved, fake Pier One-esque trunk at my local Goodwill and paid 10 bucks. Good deal, right? Wrong!!!!!! This trunk reeks of cat piss and i guess I didn't notice the smell in the store because the store, altho' it typically has good bargains, stanks anyway. But who on earth would keep this nasty box in the house ? I've been cleaning and smudging and cleaning and smudging for over a week. I used vinegar, Lysol Disinfectant, Shout!, Listerine, and burned rocks and incense and it still stank. The previous owner must have let his/her cat sleep, fuck, and pass away in this thing. Does anyone know how to get cat piss out of wicker?? I'm so serious.