Thursday, December 06, 2007

Love this HOUSE



Now randomly place multiple stacks of hard-back books with the jackets removed (but of course),fresh fruits, and nude portraits of black women throughout....heaven on earth.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

full woman, fleshly apple

Full woman, fleshly apple, hot moon,
thick smell of seaweed, crushed mud and light,
what obscure brilliance opens between your columns?
What ancient night does a man touch with his senses?

Loving is a journey with water and with stars,
with smothered air and abrupt storms of flour:
loving is a clash of lightning-bolts
and two bodies defeated by a single drop of honey.

Kiss by kiss I move across your small infinity,
your borders, your rivers, your tiny villages,
and the genital fire transformed into delight

runs through the narrow pathways of the blood
until it plunges down, like a dark carnation,
until it is and is no more than a flash in the night.

by Pablo Neruda

Monday, December 03, 2007

Silence: In Search of Black Female Sexuality in America

"In the Manichaean world of black sexuality in America, Mya B points out that there are two stops for the black female:Jemima and Jezebel, one undersexed, the other oversexed."

Promotional Synopsis

This 74-minute documentary explores the reasons for sexual silence in the black community with historical facts and testimonies that dates back to slavery and the myths that were created about black women from slavery, the Jim Crow era, and up to now.

In this documentary, fifteen black women in Chicago from all ages, backgrounds, and professions speak for the very first time about their sexual wants, needs, and desires, aiming to clarify these sexual misconceptions and reveal the truth about their sexuality "in their own words."

In the age of misogynist hip hop, as black women are portrayed as "freaks," Mya B sets to destroy the present sexual myths about black women. Among those interviewed, Little X and Nzingha Stewart, two well-known black music industry and the societal impact of the "video hoe" images.

Mixed with melancholic music, film clips, and hard-hitting interviews from every-day people, professors, and music video directors. This film takes us on a journey into American history, unveiling the hidden skeletons that lie deep in the bedrooms of many slave owners.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Photographer: Lorna Simpson

By combining text, wordplay, and visual material, Lorna Simpson’s photographs raise questions about our assumptions regarding race and gender by examining the ways in which we classify people through visual clues. Her photographs absolutely fascinate me and me loads of inspiration.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Witch's Brew: Astragalus

I am the apothecary. I enjoy making tonics, natural lip balms and moisturizers, natural spritzers and such. I want to share this new herb I stumbled across, astragalus. It's an herb that not really new at all; it's been used in Chinese medicine and perhaps with the medicine women in Nigeria, for thousands of years. It's prime focuses are to strengthen the immune system and aid in digestion. I like to make the tea year round and beef up my doses when my throat gets scratchy or if I feel any other signs of a cold coming. Thankfully I haven't had a cold in years and I don't want to ever get one again. The other wonderful benefit of drinking astragalus tea or liquid tincture is that it assists the digestive system, thereby giving an immediate surge in energy once it's been consumed over a short period of time. Most people's digestive systems have been comprised thanks to polluted air, over consumption of inorganic foods, drinking polluted water and carbonated drinks, addictions to sugars (the first drug we are introduced to), and stressful lives. Drinking astragulus tea would be beneficial to anyone who has an autoimmune deficiency such as AIDS, lupus, or even cancer. Look up the benefits, empower yourself. We have to take charge of your health, because traditional medicine won't, I promise.

Monday, October 22, 2007


What an incredible, magiKal journey this life is. SO many treasures hidden away, awaiting my discovery--everyday. Most exciting is the knowledge that the treasure of love is within me, always.I was born with this love. Before my form was created, this love existed. It is my duty! to deepen my awareness, appreciation, and expression of this love.... I live in this world. I am not afraid to let love touch me, let it break my heart. I am not afraid.....

Photo by L.M. 2007 Thanks! Edited by Kilimanjaro

"We all censor ourselves to some degree out of fear of being rejected. If people don't really know us, however, they can't really love us. I figure if I express my true thoughts and feelings and someone rejects me for it, I've been set free to connect with people who can love and appreciate me for who I really am"
– Anahata

Monday, October 08, 2007

Open Journal: Oct2008 Being Open

I tend to get embarrassed when women and men tell me that I possess high sexual energy. I mean, I'm 32 years old, and fully capable of owning this perception, but there are moments when the 17 year old straight A-honor student, who 'mums' thinks she still a virgin, comes out.The more I think about it, the more I realize that when I am attuned with nature in the smallest way, I feel energized, at peace, and sexually liberated. I sometimes experience states of arousal that demand no release. It is purely the sensation of being thrilled and thankful simply to be alive. I can walk outside and feel this oneness with trees as the breeze brushes lightly across my long limbs. I allow myself to rest in this state of arousal while lying in the sand dunes in my head. There is no tension, no need to make love to myself or to any other person for that matter. At this moment, I feel so grounded in my openness. I am no longer dwelling in the small self; I am centered within the universe. When I think about connecting with another person, I realize that it's only in this space that sex becomes even a possibility. Whatever people are feeling is unintentional but I wonder if it is part and parcel of where I am at this moment?

For the first time, I am wide open to all possibilities. I find myself connected to all sorts of people, all uniquely different. I look at how my life is constructed right now and I am certain that I sit front and center of where I am suppose to be. Connections can heal our lives; connections have healed and saved my life. This can be frightening at certain moments because it has required me to give up the safety of my habits, my assumptions, my limiting views, my self-constructed walls, and self-protected stances---and to realize how limiting this vision of people--and the world--can be.

I woke up this morning feeling penetrated and permeated by the abundance of love that exists for me now on so many subtle planes. Touching certain people can give me an emotional orgasm. I don't want to merely have junk food sex with people I barely know. I don't want many lovers, but a quality lover or lovers, if that makes sense. The frequency and quality of lovers are no longer directly proportional. One of my favorite things that Anais Nin said was "To enter ordinary relationships - I want ecstasy. I am a neurotic." I want to see eyes at the end of fingertips...that begins with one body turned on by another body and ends at a pure sensory place that trumps gender, race, sexuality, religion, and the like.

Many, many experiences in my life have filled me with GRACE. Walking in nature, meditation, allowing my body to move freely in song and dance, long baths, or simply sleeping in my roommate's tent. It is an opening to all the senses without any goal, just openness. The sexual activity arises through non-activity. That is, nothing is being done to force it, prolong it, or make it come to some perceived desired end. It just IS, and oh boi, it just IS! There's this kind of freedom, where sex becomes sacred, playful, lustful, serious humorous, joyful, tender, angry, thugged out, punk rocked, or just whatever. There's no beginning/end, top/bottom, white/black, right/left.....oh, it is....and with women, it is a familiar temple that really just IS.

©india a. 2008 India A. is a intergalactic dark goddess masquarading as health enthusiast and clumsy, scattered 31 year old in Coconut Water, GA.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Womyn to Womyn

Beneath your sleepy plunder I glimpse a shadow familiar.
The sound of your dancing life beat, entangling with mine.

You create a nest for me to cradle within...
A tidal wave rushing upon the ever-changing landscape that is us.

I wrap my lashes 'round the hollows above your own...
Let a tear fall far from my side of the bed, 'til you comfort me in that way I like.

Crestfallen and feather-like, you bury me in you,
Making room for me amidst the bureaus, chests and folds.

A bridge between all and nothing in a sea of solitude,
Beyond oneness and miles into beingness.

I am following you into a dream I dare not wake from
and finding your hand (where ever it is) to hold.

Photocredit: Ashlee

Sunday, September 23, 2007

New Moon

Look into the darkness of the sky,
There is a virgin there.
Some say this night
She is a portal,
A muse,
Conduit of the awakened world. Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

See the stars sparkle —
They are her eyes,
Yours and mine,
Steady beacons in the dark,
And the soft winks of the owls.
Stand in aloneness and wonder and see.

Lovers come and go as they will
But the flow of this day, this night
Is the lover unseen —
The love for ourselves and for all,
she comes
On the growing harvest new moon.

© 2007 IndiaA

photographer unknown

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Open Journal: Labels and clarity (& a gay kite)

I get tangled up with the linguistic limits. Seems to me that people tell me they love me when they really mean they are fond of me. And then words like "special" and "wonderful" get bandied about. And then I hesitate to ask what someone really means. "Ummm, do you mean love or do you mean LOVE?" 'Cause, to me, LOVE is static, it never changes regardless of the present situation; it just is. It elicits a different response than just your ordinary garden variety type of love which is a more casual thing. I can love a lot of people, but I don't LOVE a lot of people. I'm pretty selective that way, and I am not just talking about potential sexual connections, either. I am talking about who I choose to devote time and real energy to. So it's important to me to better know someone's intention. And i'm beginning to think that words like "love" are so charged, yet it's my favorite word. So, more to the point, love doesn't need labels so much as love sometimes needs clarification. Fi and K are so deeply connnected, when they sung on stage last night, it felt like they were making love. Although they are not lovers in the sexual sense, they are intimate lovers and Fi told me, soul-mates. Ohhh, that was my prayer.

Goodnight India.
Sept 9th 2007

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

West African Drumming and Dance

How could you not want to move your ass!!!!?????? Especially at :20

Mushaboom on Ponce

Atlantis feels warm and smells of lavender. Her body stiffens, face tingles, and dark temples of her familiar rise underneath her top.

Her breath catches; she can't make a sound. More pressure builds and heightens her urgency to scream but she stifles it, remembering she has a roommate sound asleep.

Her entire body goes rigid, toes curl, and long fingers clutch at whatever happens to be handy. Movement subsides but curved fingers continue to glide into the boundless wet cavern, making it their home.

The unbelievable, almost unbearable buildup of tension and pleasure facilitate her squirm for some sort of release. Suddenly, her Colorado dam breaks along her watery thighs and she tingles all over with an electric buzz, feeling higher than kilimanjaro.

With a calm, relaxed, and renewed spirit, Atlantis says her prayers,

r0lls over,

and falls asleep,


Saturday, September 01, 2007

Reason we need to abolish pageants..WTF!

Understanding Each Other

"You're too wild,
"You don't drink
raw whickey,
but when moon hangs
you drink from
the tilted golden cup,
when salmon season
you stand among
river willow shadow
all the time believing
fish understand
why you are there."

So he left me
to marry one
whose dreams
are laced in perfume
and dishwasher suds.

-By Linda Noel,
Concow Maidu

copied from Tigera Consciente, check her out

Wise Women, A documentary

Tuesday, August 28, 2007


every time i think i know what
love is something happens
and reminds me that
it is bigger more
powerful and
than anything i can imagine.

India 2007

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Stability in Non-Conformity

“I disregard the proportions, the measures, the tempo of the ordinary world.

I refuse to live in the ordinary world as ordinary women.

To enter ordinary relationships - I want ecstasy.

I am a neurotic -- in the sense that I live in my world.

I will not adjust myself to the world. I am adjusted to myself.”

- Anais Nin Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

--- In many ways I can relate to her writings. She had a voice of her own construct, never caring much about what people thought – she was a little unstable, and out of that fragile beauty came her creativity. She was unapologetically free----she gave women of that era an individual voice and the space to unfold. moreover, she gave women full permission to explore their sexuality. She is still relevant today. In her boldness and outspokenness, she made and continues to make music. She was passionate, sensual. I admire her views and hold her voice very close to my heart. She is my reference book to freedom. that quote above is like an affirmation....and a standing ovation for non conformity..

Friday, August 17, 2007

....the ice melts

My purpose is to live my most delicious life possible. My life is a gift and what I do with it will be my gift to life in return. I am a new woman today and the best is coming right now.

I am extraordinary. Previously I suspected this fact, but I know it now to be the unmistakable truth. I AM SO BEAUTIFUL---'tis I know!~

I exist for a reason.

I am reborn today, and again tomorrow. I cast off victim-hood and walk forward into a blindingly bright future filled with fulfilled promise. Kindred souls who recognize this new me may join me on this journey. Those who fear this change may watch. I see my dreams and goals already fulfilled and I claim them. And so it is, as for this I am so grateful.

As I sit here drinking my freshly made green drink, I am healthy. I feed my body wonderful delicious juices and eat colorful, vibrant veggies. I am in love with what I see.

"I do not propose to write an ode to dejection, but to brag as lustily as chanticleer in the morning, standing on his roost, if only to wake my neighbors up." my homie, Thoreau

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Sweet, sweet compassion

"Twice in my life I have experienced deep depression. Both times various friends tried to rescue me with well-intended encouragement and advice..........

In the midst of my depression, I had a friend who took a different tack.

Every afternoon at around four o'clock he came to me,

sat me in chair,

removed my shoes

and massaged my feet.

He hardly said a word, but he was there,

he was with me.

He was a lifeline for me, a link to the human community and thus to my own humanity.

He had no need to 'fix' me.

He knew the meaning of compassion" - anonymous

Just be there to offer kindness, support and permission, for them to just be who they are........................resisting the need to jump in and rescue.

Take refuge in the silent sanctuary of now.

Simply be there as they move through their 'process', that in itself is a High and Holy Gift!


Lesson Learned, I am thankful.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Open Journal: July 25, Love-making

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketI find that lovemaking has less to do with the physical presence of the involved parties, but centers around spiritual liberation and healing. This is not the same as fucking, which has been benefital for me. Love-making gives rise to passions that are so overwhelmingly powerful , so much so that religions have been warning us away from them since the dark ages. The high art of making True Love is mystical and miraculous beyond comprehension. It inundates my entire being. It delivers me - body and soul - to unimagined heights of ecstasy. It's disgusting that a lover would reduce me down to my pussy or reduce healthy, great love-making to merely being pussy whipped, etc. For me, a transformation occurred, not always, but often enough which evolved from desire and passion to a level of total and perfect bliss, where the shell of my lover disappeared and all I was left with was her genderless soul. That doesn't change once the relationship ends; it will always be that way. I realize that whenever I share myself in this way, I am creating a soul tie that trumps the duration of the love making and relationship. I find a way to open all my centers, engage all my faculties, be honest, humble, uninhibited, and open-hearted enough to allow the animal/emotional/spiritual crescendo of love to emerge.

And please don't get me started on the afterglow.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Tour de Force of Nature: Cree

"becaue the world don't always give you what you need/and love ain't always what you thought it would be/everything you fall, someone's there/everytime you crawl, someone's there/and you almost got burn but someone was there/ so you never had to learn because someone was there/ain't nobody gonna save you, save yourself.." Speaks of unconditional love. I am so THANKFUL, goodness , I AM.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007


Altho' we are social spirits, I relish my solitude. I love people, especially children and elders; however, there's this special, humble place inside myself where I live all alone and it is also the place where I get refreshment from my spring well that never runs dry.

1. late night walking the wet streets after a spring or summer shower.

2. 3AM on my porch between sunset and sunrise, knowing the new day will burst over a landscape totally different than the one the evening light faded over.

3. Saturday night when there are big events/ parties going on-- when I feel obligated to go but decide instead to embrace my solitude. Or perhaps even going to bed early on a Saturday night and not having to recover all day on Sunday.

4. During a full moon

Monday, July 16, 2007

July 2007

Love me in a way that loving you and loving me become a cloud of nameless faceless dignities merging as a gift that we kinda hot potato between the two of us and each time it touches our hands or hearts it doubles in size and leaks out into the neighborhood and plops on the doorstep of some needy lovewanter who smiles deeply after having a big ol bite it. LOVE is all around.


Shared Secrets

a universal language beyond words
in the simple secret smiles shared by two seemingly different
one creamy toned skin rippled with harsh years
trekked across sparse and unforgiving mountain paths.
the other's untamed nappy hair whispered in a dusty breath of wind as
the infirmities of life climbed steep, rugged trails of the Grand Canyon.
four brittle hands worn smooth spoke of their survival as one.
crooked fingers laced across the other's gangly back
intimately tinkered down to her thigh-
like delicate wings.

rocking back and forth amidst their damp raptuous connection, they
composed a jazzy passionate tune, still young women.

the glimmer of a smile in their deep seasoned eyes-
two faces become one.a one-way mirror of secrets shared
in timeless moments.

-written in 2004, revised 2007

Painting: FAITH RINGGOLD'S "Between Friends"

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Open Journal Entry: July 8, 2007

As I look out of my window on this clear, quiet Monday morning, 4 AM, I am ever so still... My mind flashes, brilliantly, pictures of me in conversation with God the night before. We spoke of many things, but mostly we just accepted one anothers' silence.

I asked God what surrender truly means. What I heard first, was deep stillness. Complete silence. God had answered. Surrender means you stop questioning. You stop "trying" and allow the answers to life to cover you in quiet calm. I have felt lately like I was trying to do so much, but how wonderful was the answer of surrender, just when I needed to hear it.

My life is a sequence of events. As soon as one has concluded, I am off and running towards the next one. But how about some change within. My life will continue to billow out into a beautiful wind song, while I stand completely still in surrender. So many moments feel like surrendering will be admitting defeat... But in truth, surrender conquers the need to fight anything.

I want a life full of possibility, and lovely change, and beauty beyond compare. I want to look at my life as a mosaic where no single piece is greater than the whole in flow. Revolution can be so amazingly peaceful, especially when you give in to the revolt against the old self, in exchange for surrender to the new!

Wednesday, July 11, 2007


What kind of love is open, and full, and trusting, and vulnerable, and alive, AND beyond the imagination. That is the love of the Spirit and that love, that sacred love, resonates all around and within all of us. Nothing more or less needs to be present. NO WORDS ever need to be SPOKEN!

In manner of speaking--NOUVELLE VAGUE LYRICS... WOW!
In a Manner of speaking
I just want to say
That I could never forget the way
You told me everything
By saying nothing

In a manner of speaking
I don't understand
How love in silence becomes reprimand
But the way that i feel about you
Is beyond words

Oh give me the words
Give me the words
That tell me nothing
Ohohohoh give me the words
Give me the words
That tell me everything

In a manner of speaking
Semantics won't do
(In A Manner Of Speaking Lyrics on
In this life that we live we only make do
And the way that we feel
Might have to be sacrificed

So in a manner of speaking
I just want to say
That just like you I should find a way
To tell you everything
By saying nothing.

Oh give me the words
Give me the words
That tell me nothing
Ohohohoh give me the words
Give me the words
That tell me everything

Oh give me the words
Give me the words
That tell me nothing
Ohohohoh give me the words
Give me the words
That tell me everything

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Goodbye--This is my last blog post

I am thankful for the opportunity to share..
Some things that are true, in the here and now:

I am creating at this very second. My thoughts are creating things. I take responsibility for what I create in order to then apply consciousness to my creations so that i may then create according to what I !truly! desire. I am healing all areas of my life. I have attracted every person, situation, and thing in my life today. I am healthy. I am whole. I feel good. I adore me and am deeply in love with my higher self. What I put out, I attract. What I give, I receive. The universe gives me what I request.I live in positive ripples. I am thankful for my mistakes. I learn, unlearn, surrender, and let go. I am big enuf and grown up enough for it all. I welcome new experiences. i am willing to try new things. i am perfectly fine with falling on my face again and again. I am growing. I am grieving. I (am learning to) appreciate pain. I am reconnecting with my family through my thoughts and when we are ready, it will happen. I miss my mums....still. I AM LOVE!!!!!! How fucking beautiful is that? Love is ME, i ain't got to go nowhere, it's who I AM, it's apart of my DNA, it's breath to me, present in every cell of my being. I am experiencing a rebirth in a healthy, loving, passionate honest relationship with Aza, A-Earth. Blessings bloggers~Thank you for reading my words. I am thankful to be in my 31st year on the planet....:-). It's time for me to move forward. (insert dramatic-themed music here)

India A.

Friday, March 09, 2007

precious stone, a poem for mhu

I want to be a precious stone
and tell
stories how she held me
in the palm of her hand
rolled me between her fingers
slipped me into her mouth
tasted my salt
tumbled me around
Then she ran her tongue along my edge
and inserted her hand into the
scars of my past
Told me she'd take me to kilimanjaro
to rest peacefully upon the earth
but instead she
put me in her pocket
took me home,
realized that she preferred stones without substance
covered in gemstone labels.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Sexual Communion

All sexuality is holy. I travel miles into a a very sacred place when I am making love....not always, but often enough. One night I was making love to A-Earth and suddenly began to cry. The more I attempted to hold back my tears, the harder they came. Because it was dark I figured if I didn't make too many "crying sounds," she wouldn't notice. Somehow, she saw (or perhaps felt) my tears, causing me to fold into myself to shield my vulnerability. I still can't clearly articulate why I cried nor do I remember what toppled my bucket of tears. What I remember most is staring beyond her eyes....that place indescribable blurry place.... and feeling highly thankful for just BE-ing THERE, PRESENT...with her. I also remember a point during penetration when her shell started to disappear and areas of her body were surrounded in purple and yellow, the color of wildflowers I'd picked a few days ago. My esoteric self believe I saw her aura yet i'm open to the possibility of it being something more or less....but what I am certain of is at that moment I completely lost it and boohooo-ed into tomorrow. When I think of the wildflowers or merely the colors of a rainbow (no pun), I'm reminded that we are part of the Earth; there is no real separation or gap between us. It's just as seamless as breathing in and out.

I've had past and present moments with past lovers and with my current lover where making love is akin to prayer or communion or meditation or fellowship. All attention and focus rest on my lover and me. I hear sounds of the ocean. Like music, there is a precision and rhythm in love-making. There are eyes at the end of fingertips. Everything comes alive. Focusing my attention on my lover is the ultimate act of surrender, of opening into the universe. For me, making love is a selfless act of devotion to my woman, surrendering totally to what/who God really IS.

Fairy with broken wings by Sage Francis

TWO of my TOP-Five favorite bands/duos

Notice how she hits her ciggarette at the end (:55) like it's a J. :-)

Why is it that most artists create good stuff from dark places? The reality of being open to life's possibilities, i suppose. nevertheless, i love the songs and lyrics...and the sadness surrounding them. Air's Cherry Blossom Girl and Portishead's GloryBox.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

the skin of my emotions lies beneath my own

As the man and the woman in me
Unite in love,
The brilliant beauty
Balanced on the two-petalled lotus
Within me
Dazzles my eyes.
The rays
Outshine the moon
And the jewels
Glowing on the hoods of snakes.

My skin and bone
Are tuned to gold.
I am the reservoir of love
Alive as the waves.
A single drop of water
Has grown into a sea,

-lalan hindu wisdom

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Numinous shared experience (s)

I strive to find relationships that are mutually satisfying. I ask myself, Am I getting enough of my needs met to stay involved in an intimate relationship with my lover and am I giving her enough of what she needs? I work to be able to speak my needs, to communicate, to negotiate. I want/need/desire pleasant, loving companionship(s), trust, loyalty, and passion. Often I look at my relationships in a practical way and ask if the relationship serves life? Do we add to the clarity or the confusion? Do we create peace or conflict? Are we hurting or destroying? Am I even making sense, if not, that's ok.

I've concluded that everything is still rather yummy.......mmmmm.

Each time my heart opens, my/the power of love is strenghtened. As a result, I try not to feel a way about the outcome, but it's hard because I feel. Strong relationships are gifts to the world. My definition of a strong relationship centers around the commitment each partner has to helping the other achieve the fullest expression of his/her -self. The more openness there is in love, the more energy there is to share and give to the world. I'll never give up on numinous shared experience (s). LOVE.

Third eye (not) blind

I am fascinated by Mirrors (literally and figuratively spking) . As we are all truly reflections of one another and reflections of hidden selves.... As my conscience-, my self conscience-, and my ego-self looking through a mirror, I watch myself closely from head to thanks and unknowingly critisizing my perfect imperfections...With each breath, I look for a deeper understanding...that which is below the surface, beyond the flesh. Most days I see clearer with my eyes closed. Where's my grounding cord?

Thankful for experiencing another beautiful day.


Wednesday, February 28, 2007

A passionate affair with LIFE

I live love . My holy trinity is music song and dance. MUSIC is the Love .Song is how we make Love happen and Dance is the Love happening.In my solitary moments, I am a off-key singer, a dancer, a musical alchemist, a writer, a naturopath, a healer, a fairydarkgodess, a writer...or even invisible sparkles of light...

I like natural-ness... I'm hold the visual of owning an eco-friendly sustainable home.

Everything is music we are all vibrations through sound.

I am in Love with you, with all of us! I fall in love with moments. Always remember we have the power to Love ourselves into existance.This is how we do it! I am MerAngel Akelahtumeril, which means servant of Love embodying Light. I come from the Sun Star that some call Sirius. I entered the earth through the stargate under the ocean within the bermuda triangle. I am a shapeshifter .I come in many forms . I come in ecstacy and Love. I come in peace.I come to assist in the rememberance of life as The eternal orgasm .I come as Love in all things. I adore healthy food. I believe in sexual healing. I'm devoted to my higher self.

Nature Freak


The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. --Ann Frank

Nature is an infinite sphere of which the center is everywhere and the circumference nowhere. -Blaise Pascal

To me a lush carpet of pine needles or spongy grass is more welcome than the most luxurious Persian rug. -Helen Keller

Birth, life, and death -- each took place on the hidden side of a leaf. -Toni Morrison


When in doubt, go outside. It's just that simple. --kilimanjaro (me, me, me)

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

walking lightly, living brightly

I wonder if beauty is something that awakens our senses, stirs the life in us, adds dimension to our souls. As I get older, I have begun to find an inner glow that feels much more real and sustaining, nurturing, wise, and radiant. Real. It comes from looking with soft eyes, with compassion, seeing beyond the obvious, releasing judgment, and entering fully into the community of the soul. It comes from gathering in, rather than holding at arms length.

It is easy to see the beauty of the ocean if it brings renewal to a tired soul. It is harder to find beauty in the daily grind. If that daily grind included, poverty, homelessness, financial problems, abuse, to name a few things, it might be harder arouse the sense of beauty in a person. Renewal is harder. But I think it can happen. beauty is energy. I think of anger. In itself, rage is not beautiful, but if it can be channeled into song lyrics, a piece of artwork, etc. A kind of Fragile Beauty.

When we look with soft eyes, gentle, accepting eyes, a radiant smile, and an accepting and joyful heart, we see the beauty in others; and we look beautiful to them! Our beauty is impossible to miss. It is a felt beauty rather than a perceived one.

it is the innermost part of each of us. It is the Source of our being. For me, it is Godis, innately in ALL!

mmmmm. love this. love me. love you. i am comfortable with silence. i honor and receive the natural rythmns of GAIA. i honor and receive the divine feminine in all forms. i honor and receive life. i honor and receive breath. as a minimalist, every thing i need is HERE. i honor and receive my higher self. i honor and receive beauty of ALL. i have attracted every thing/person in my life; goodness, i am so powerful-- i surrender. i am divinely guided. bejeesus!!!!!!!!, i am so thankful at this moment that i still believe in imagination manifesting what i want in my life. i recognize the value of simply day-dreaming. i take lessons from 5 year olds. smile, AidniXOXO

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Let freedom ring!

I am in a place of total detachment and surrendering. I have simplified my existence. I have found a way to connect and sychronise my existence with Earth. I have truth in all areas of my life and walk in that fullness. I am healthy. I am loving. I am attracting and have attracted everything presently in my life; I recognize my power. At this moment, I am sooOOOoo free. I am soOOOOO grateful to be ALIVE and PRESENT.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Ruminatn #77-93-11Sexual Healing

The profane....the sacred, the duality of me. During the heat of passion in love-making, there's a energy of the past, ancestral energy, surrounding me and my lover. I haven't found a way to convey this to her, but during contact,i have moments that I feel this animal desire for her within. It is a natural desire, an instinct, that is just as open as my heart and energy simply pours in. At this moment, all of the sensory elements are noticed-- the sounds, the smells, the contact...until my intellectual mind comes in and overpowers the sensory self, causing me to become less aggressive and more mindful of my actions....such a pity, i know...but it happens.

I've only been romantically involved with A-Earth for two months---and each time, we have sexfuckinglove, I learn something new---something very beautiful- something sexy-something embarassing-or just something. It is my belief that when two women inimately connect, it becomes this oneness where you don't know where your body ends or where your lover's body begins. It is about being in a presence that defies time and space..two spirits coming together or two flames being magnetized toward each other. Or kinda like being on an instantaneous journey where each woman moves from her body and eyes and go through a doorway into a pure sensory place which expands into a burst of energy. This dance doesn't always have to happen, but since I believe EVERY area of my life is spiritual and sacred, I hold my intention HERE. ALWAYS.

I've held the vision that my next space will contain a bedroom big enough to hold a nice size altar. How beautiful it will be to know the same space I climax, I pray. I can imagine praying before bed and having some of that energy carry over into love-making or even gangsta ass-poppalocking a very sacred place.

I also hold the vision of making love outdoors more. There is a different sensation and awareness outdoors--the beautiful trees, the ground, the sky, the moon, the sun...all of that. I'm also more aware of my physical grounding and my physical body. I can imagine having wild, gangsta-boo-'put-your-hood-up' sex and then later making love at the altar. I've always believed that nature intensifies the physicality, the rawness, and the potency of sex. Peces...Have a beautiful Feburary month. Aidni, out.:D.

Sunday, February 04, 2007


I don't want to know who I am outside of how I feel. I don't want to know what other folks think I am either. I don't want to know what relatives tell their friends about me, that's not real. I don't want to know what lovers feel about me, because they will only know what is revealed. I don't want to know what the trees say to each other when I'm under their branches. I've even abandoned the church's idea of me, because they only regard that which fulfills their end, and to hell with me and the other queers. I don't want to be merely somebody's mother, or wife or the missing puzzle pieces. I don't want to be famous, or rich or worshipped, or exalted, or ordained, or sainted. I don't want to know who I am, outside of how I feel, because that is the only moment I can account for. And that's here and now. And that's all there needs to be. Feed me to the fields or bury me within your heart. None of this matters. All that exists is the NOWness of my being and outside of that is death. And I have not made peace with that yet. This moment is where the real truth lies. Yep.

amazing guitar solo-VAI

Friday, February 02, 2007

Queen B

on a metaphysical level- love is all around us, it is the very essence of all creation, so everything contains light and love. All physical matter, in its molecular density, contains seeds of love, the light quintessence of the universe. We look for love in relationships, the physical world... all very superficial places. But the main place we find love, is in spiritual enlightenment, and the realization that we are all pieces of Godis, all interconnected.

To twist the head around would be an act of magic, a supernatural feat. Prehaps there are supernatural forces at work when we are considering the divine nature of true love. something that is not of this world, but whose origins lie in other (more enlightened) dimensions.

Youll be given love
Youll be taken care of
Youll be given love
You have to trust it
Maybe not from the sources
Youve poured yours
Maybe not
From the directions
You are
Staring at
Twist your head around
Its all around you
All is full of love
All around you
All is full of love
You just aint receiving
All is full of love
Your phone is off the hook
All is full of love
Your doors are all shut
All is full of love ---Bjork lyrics

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

collective orgasm

i adore this song! close your eyes, let your thoughts cease, does it turn you on too? (you may want to turn away from the screen, unless white-haired white women are your things). anyway... can we love up on the beat for a moment and use our lovely imaginations. no serious, physically rock back and forth...what do you feel? my dear friend said that masturbation is akin to meditation because finally you are HERE. YOU have arrived, intensely and passionately--making the sweetest love to yourself. i repeatedly grooved and grooved to this song...alone. i would say more but i'd like to keep it PG-13. i wonder if i can contribute to the world having a collective orgasm.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007


Her legs unfold to me like a flower

I burrow in
to the sea
the salt stings my pallet

her mouth open,
she blooms within me
as I caress the hair betwixt her legs
like a rose within my hand

her body is curved,
like the twilight
enfolding over a distant field
amidst timeless eternities
unfolding in my palm

she is like a violet star
and as the rapture unfolds

I feel her, silent within me, even when she's near.
butwhen she's not near, she's HERE.....Present within my heartbeat!

Breath of life, squared

What happens when all the toxins, hate and negativity is gone from your spirit, being and lungs...

You begin a breath of rebirth, an exhaLE of beauty and release. Don't forget to breath. Kiss the air.



I breath a scent familiar yet possessing an aroma new to my being. I take in all the energy surrounding me yet it is not enough. To contain the magic drifting in and out of my world would be to lessen her divinity. So instead, I simply breath. I allow the air to nourish me like the a life-giving tree with its Eye upon me. I breath again, taking in the radiance of rebirth as my soul engulfs the wonder being offered. The truest emotion known... The most majestic breath taken by me and expelled into the Universal Known and Unknown... I am always in the Unknown, letting fear fall away like dross from the gold she leaves upon my flesh in kisses too divine to be human. But bodies we own, though, bodies we are not. I see into the radiance of the Sun burning her knowingness into my heart... I exhale the tidal Moon casting the light of love upon her beingness... And all is given without desire, without attachment, without possession...

Tuesday, January 23, 2007


I am neither a priest nor a theologian, neither a devotee of nor a spokesperson for any particular spiritual tradition or path. I am an ordinary woman with an extraordinary hunger: to live with an awareness of the Sacred Mystery, the Beloved – God – at the centre of my life and to learn from this presence who I am and why I am here.

Speaking to me through what I long for, the call of that which is both within and larger than myself has guided me to an understanding of how I can live that longing – not by trying to change myself, but by unfolding, by becoming who I already am at the deepest level of my being. But with this comprehension of what I must do, the call continues to come to me as an image of myself with tired eyes and severed hands questioning why I seek to embody this understanding when it is clear how infrequently my essential nature guides my actions, how often fear still shapes and sometimes determines what I do. It tells me that something is off, missing. But I have not given up. I am willing to do whatever it takes to know and live the meaning in my life. I am convinced that I have to and am able to learn to do it differently.

Oriah Moutain Dreamer

being truthfully responsible

I have had a number of good intentions and grand ideas, most of them have not been done. I am skillful and talented in a wide variety of ways, but I just have not been bringing out my absolute, optimal self in every way possible. I'm nice, fun, loving and funny, yet those are aspects of my personality which causes me to be pleasant to be and that opens up doors of possibility with others, but that in and of itself doesn't generate results.

I am at heart an A+ student, but have really been a B- student because of making excuses and choosing to play first instead of Do first.

Why? Because I felt sorry for myself. If I felt tired, I wouldn't DO. If I felt sick, I wouldn't DO. If I had any excuse, reason or exception, my less than productive side took it. This has been a pattern since i could remember

I'm seeing that my patterned self just doesn't serve in bring out the hearts will.

So, I'm learning to have no pity for my patterned self. No remorse, but the just doing of what needs to be done. This is stepping past the likes and dislikes into a space of potentiality.

The space from which the mind can be observed without judgment is a space from which Will manifests. If it is Willed, immediately it is complete. The action then follows naturally, even when tired or not wanting to.

Excuses are the playground of the mediocre, Action is the playground of the empowered.

Regardless of the day or circumstance, if there are things to accomplish, do them now.

I choose to be an A+ student at life, in relationship, and in endeavor.

I've seen for myself that in making an excuse and exception for today that the exception becomes habitual pattern. Then everyday is the exception, and life gets wasted.

This goes for external action as well as internal discovery.

A state of internal peace requires a process of doing, without that there can be no peace.

Eventually both doing and peace become second nature, effortless.

One becomes truthfully responsible, and the words of nice intention and big grandios (sp?) ideas then disappear. Actions then speak with thunderous silence, and the heart becomes satisifed with its Works being done.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

I breath a scent familiar yet..

... I breath a scent familiar yet possessing an aroma new to my being. I take in all the energy surrounding me yet it is not enough. To contain the magic drifting in and out of my world would be to lessen her divinity. So instead, I simply breath. I allow the air to nourish me like the a life-giving tree with its Eye upon me. I breath again, taking in the radiance of rebirth as my soul engulfs the wonder being offered. The truest emotion known... The most majestic breath taken by me and expelled into the Universal Known and Unknown... I am always in the Unknown, letting fear fall away like dross from the gold she leaves upon my flesh in kisses too divine to be human. But bodies we own, though, bodies we are not. I see into the radiance of the Sun burning her knowingness into my heart... I exhale the tidal Moon casting the light of love upon her beingness... And all is given without desire, without attachment, without womyn

photographer/model: kilimanjaro

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

walking in the cold with bare feet

I have come to know my struggle is only with myself. Only within my self. The place in me that knows separation from the One. As I sit, reaching into the void, looking for my truth, it breaths me in. Swallows me whole, absorbing my fears into its nothingness. I am trying to find where I am, and where I am not. Who I am, and who I am not. This life is a mask. A grotesque exaggeration of the ISNESS. In truth, we are not who we are. We are never where we "think" we are. It is only through true surrender to the Word that we begin to find peace. Through acceptance of our greatest strengths and seeming weaknesses, we all find freedom-eventually. I have found my freedom-my surrender lives in notes not yet imagined and harmonies unsung. I pray to remember meeting That Which Cannot Be Named, in the next space I occupy. Here, I am free from being "human". Free from fear, from self-denial, from duality. I am born again of love, compassion and honor, and in each moment, I am my Truth. I consecrate all that I will ever be to the collective consciousness of the Gods. In The Presence I am extraordinary, a reflection of The Presence itself. And I Am Love. Aditya Hridayam Punyam-Sarv Shatru Bena Shenam: Evil vanishes from him who keeps the Sun in his heart

Magick, the fairies call "dust"

Breath of life squared
multiplied by seven degrees of NO separation
equals the light within I and I
raised to the thirteenth vibration
of magnetic through cosmic tones...
Revealed in these bones...
of Womyn
from maiden to mother to crone-s
Revealed in these bones...
of womyn
from servant to sadhu,
down to the ground and up through our nappy crowns
circulating energy
bringin' awareness to universal Chi
a breath inhaled by you
is exhaled by me.

You see,
we really are one entity
But in this physical plane
we're taught to nourish the brain,
body, spirit connection
you are a pure reflection
of my brightest soul shine
let's turn holy water into wine
instead of living off Her bloodlines
of oil that's neither yours nor mine
I can't sit back watching
so I journey forward by veggie bus
with the knowledge that what we do to her
is being done to us. mother earth and earth womyn.. i love ya'll

*also, i am without phone connection---so youhave to leave me a voice message with you number and i will contact you, soon. love, really love me; cuz i love you ..i'll be back on the internet soon.

**for aza s.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Thought of the moment.

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
~E. Cummings ~