Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Goodbye--This is my last blog post

I am thankful for the opportunity to share..
Some things that are true, in the here and now:

I am creating at this very second. My thoughts are creating things. I take responsibility for what I create in order to then apply consciousness to my creations so that i may then create according to what I !truly! desire. I am healing all areas of my life. I have attracted every person, situation, and thing in my life today. I am healthy. I am whole. I feel good. I adore me and am deeply in love with my higher self. What I put out, I attract. What I give, I receive. The universe gives me what I request.I live in positive ripples. I am thankful for my mistakes. I learn, unlearn, surrender, and let go. I am big enuf and grown up enough for it all. I welcome new experiences. i am willing to try new things. i am perfectly fine with falling on my face again and again. I am growing. I am grieving. I (am learning to) appreciate pain. I am reconnecting with my family through my thoughts and when we are ready, it will happen. I miss my mums....still. I AM LOVE!!!!!! How fucking beautiful is that? Love is ME, i ain't got to go nowhere, it's who I AM, it's apart of my DNA, it's breath to me, present in every cell of my being. I am experiencing a rebirth in a healthy, loving, passionate honest relationship with Aza, A-Earth. Blessings bloggers~Thank you for reading my words. I am thankful to be in my 31st year on the planet....:-). It's time for me to move forward. (insert dramatic-themed music here)

India A.

Friday, March 09, 2007

precious stone, a poem for mhu

I want to be a precious stone
and tell
stories how she held me
in the palm of her hand
rolled me between her fingers
slipped me into her mouth
tasted my salt
tumbled me around
Then she ran her tongue along my edge
and inserted her hand into the
scars of my past
Told me she'd take me to kilimanjaro
to rest peacefully upon the earth
but instead she
put me in her pocket
took me home,
realized that she preferred stones without substance
covered in gemstone labels.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Sexual Communion

All sexuality is holy. I travel miles into a a very sacred place when I am making love....not always, but often enough. One night I was making love to A-Earth and suddenly began to cry. The more I attempted to hold back my tears, the harder they came. Because it was dark I figured if I didn't make too many "crying sounds," she wouldn't notice. Somehow, she saw (or perhaps felt) my tears, causing me to fold into myself to shield my vulnerability. I still can't clearly articulate why I cried nor do I remember what toppled my bucket of tears. What I remember most is staring beyond her eyes....that place indescribable blurry place.... and feeling highly thankful for just BE-ing THERE, PRESENT...with her. I also remember a point during penetration when her shell started to disappear and areas of her body were surrounded in purple and yellow, the color of wildflowers I'd picked a few days ago. My esoteric self believe I saw her aura yet i'm open to the possibility of it being something more or less....but what I am certain of is at that moment I completely lost it and boohooo-ed into tomorrow. When I think of the wildflowers or merely the colors of a rainbow (no pun), I'm reminded that we are part of the Earth; there is no real separation or gap between us. It's just as seamless as breathing in and out.

I've had past and present moments with past lovers and with my current lover where making love is akin to prayer or communion or meditation or fellowship. All attention and focus rest on my lover and me. I hear sounds of the ocean. Like music, there is a precision and rhythm in love-making. There are eyes at the end of fingertips. Everything comes alive. Focusing my attention on my lover is the ultimate act of surrender, of opening into the universe. For me, making love is a selfless act of devotion to my woman, surrendering totally to what/who God really IS.

Fairy with broken wings by Sage Francis

TWO of my TOP-Five favorite bands/duos

Notice how she hits her ciggarette at the end (:55) like it's a J. :-)

Why is it that most artists create good stuff from dark places? The reality of being open to life's possibilities, i suppose. nevertheless, i love the songs and lyrics...and the sadness surrounding them. Air's Cherry Blossom Girl and Portishead's GloryBox.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

the skin of my emotions lies beneath my own

As the man and the woman in me
Unite in love,
The brilliant beauty
Balanced on the two-petalled lotus
Within me
Dazzles my eyes.
The rays
Outshine the moon
And the jewels
Glowing on the hoods of snakes.

My skin and bone
Are tuned to gold.
I am the reservoir of love
Alive as the waves.
A single drop of water
Has grown into a sea,

-lalan hindu wisdom

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Numinous shared experience (s)

I strive to find relationships that are mutually satisfying. I ask myself, Am I getting enough of my needs met to stay involved in an intimate relationship with my lover and am I giving her enough of what she needs? I work to be able to speak my needs, to communicate, to negotiate. I want/need/desire pleasant, loving companionship(s), trust, loyalty, and passion. Often I look at my relationships in a practical way and ask if the relationship serves life? Do we add to the clarity or the confusion? Do we create peace or conflict? Are we hurting or destroying? Am I even making sense, if not, that's ok.

I've concluded that everything is still rather yummy.......mmmmm.

Each time my heart opens, my/the power of love is strenghtened. As a result, I try not to feel a way about the outcome, but it's hard because I feel. Strong relationships are gifts to the world. My definition of a strong relationship centers around the commitment each partner has to helping the other achieve the fullest expression of his/her -self. The more openness there is in love, the more energy there is to share and give to the world. I'll never give up on numinous shared experience (s). LOVE.

Third eye (not) blind

I am fascinated by Mirrors (literally and figuratively spking) . As we are all truly reflections of one another and reflections of hidden selves.... As my conscience-, my self conscience-, and my ego-self looking through a mirror, I watch myself closely from head to thanks and unknowingly critisizing my perfect imperfections...With each breath, I look for a deeper understanding...that which is below the surface, beyond the flesh. Most days I see clearer with my eyes closed. Where's my grounding cord?

Thankful for experiencing another beautiful day.