Monday, October 22, 2007

2007



What an incredible, magiKal journey this life is. SO many treasures hidden away, awaiting my discovery--everyday. Most exciting is the knowledge that the treasure of love is within me, always.I was born with this love. Before my form was created, this love existed. It is my duty! to deepen my awareness, appreciation, and expression of this love.... I live in this world. I am not afraid to let love touch me, let it break my heart. I am not afraid.....

Photo by L.M. 2007 Thanks! Edited by Kilimanjaro

"We all censor ourselves to some degree out of fear of being rejected. If people don't really know us, however, they can't really love us. I figure if I express my true thoughts and feelings and someone rejects me for it, I've been set free to connect with people who can love and appreciate me for who I really am"
– Anahata

Monday, October 08, 2007

Open Journal: Oct2008 Being Open

I tend to get embarrassed when women and men tell me that I possess high sexual energy. I mean, I'm 32 years old, and fully capable of owning this perception, but there are moments when the 17 year old straight A-honor student, who 'mums' thinks she still a virgin, comes out.The more I think about it, the more I realize that when I am attuned with nature in the smallest way, I feel energized, at peace, and sexually liberated. I sometimes experience states of arousal that demand no release. It is purely the sensation of being thrilled and thankful simply to be alive. I can walk outside and feel this oneness with trees as the breeze brushes lightly across my long limbs. I allow myself to rest in this state of arousal while lying in the sand dunes in my head. There is no tension, no need to make love to myself or to any other person for that matter. At this moment, I feel so grounded in my openness. I am no longer dwelling in the small self; I am centered within the universe. When I think about connecting with another person, I realize that it's only in this space that sex becomes even a possibility. Whatever people are feeling is unintentional but I wonder if it is part and parcel of where I am at this moment?

For the first time, I am wide open to all possibilities. I find myself connected to all sorts of people, all uniquely different. I look at how my life is constructed right now and I am certain that I sit front and center of where I am suppose to be. Connections can heal our lives; connections have healed and saved my life. This can be frightening at certain moments because it has required me to give up the safety of my habits, my assumptions, my limiting views, my self-constructed walls, and self-protected stances---and to realize how limiting this vision of people--and the world--can be.

I woke up this morning feeling penetrated and permeated by the abundance of love that exists for me now on so many subtle planes. Touching certain people can give me an emotional orgasm. I don't want to merely have junk food sex with people I barely know. I don't want many lovers, but a quality lover or lovers, if that makes sense. The frequency and quality of lovers are no longer directly proportional. One of my favorite things that Anais Nin said was "To enter ordinary relationships - I want ecstasy. I am a neurotic." I want to see eyes at the end of fingertips...that begins with one body turned on by another body and ends at a pure sensory place that trumps gender, race, sexuality, religion, and the like.

Many, many experiences in my life have filled me with GRACE. Walking in nature, meditation, allowing my body to move freely in song and dance, long baths, or simply sleeping in my roommate's tent. It is an opening to all the senses without any goal, just openness. The sexual activity arises through non-activity. That is, nothing is being done to force it, prolong it, or make it come to some perceived desired end. It just IS, and oh boi, it just IS! There's this kind of freedom, where sex becomes sacred, playful, lustful, serious humorous, joyful, tender, angry, thugged out, punk rocked, or just whatever. There's no beginning/end, top/bottom, white/black, right/left.....oh, it is....and with women, it is a familiar temple that really just IS.


©india a. 2008 India A. is a intergalactic dark goddess masquarading as health enthusiast and clumsy, scattered 31 year old in Coconut Water, GA.