Monday, December 29, 2008
I learned about gratitude and being grateful---- always. I learned to be more open to people and (our) pain. I learned to be less selfish and more atruistic and other interested. I learned that community is important and art is life. I learned to be more honest, with myself first. I learned to let fear fall away. I learned how much I love learning and teaching as a health educator. I learned how to bike to work in 15 minutes. I learned to stop saying my age. I learned to breathe deeper. I learned to enjoy FOOD, all types of food and chocolate and red wine. I learned my spirit craves green leafy veggies. I learned how cute lacy panties look on my fleshy, full bottom. I learned to greet my days with love in my heart and how love melts the coldest of hearts. I learned to smile with my body. I learned to nurture my spirit self. I learned how much I enjoy city walks. I learned to moisturize my hair with jojoba oil and various essential oils. I learned how important my connections to women are. I learned how much I like cats. I learned about awareness and to be aware of my ego and judgments. And last but not least, I learned to laugh it out, play and laugh like a 10 year old, and find joy in the simplest of.....
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Photographer unknown but what a beauty~
"i believe holy is what you do when there is
nothing between your actions
and the truth"
-stacyann chin, cross-fire (2002)
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Monday, December 08, 2008
2. Money to pay for school
3. Dynamic Dish (see picture)
5. A comfortable, quiet living space
6. Warm biking clothes
7. Smooth skin
8. Warrior Poet
9. *my special place (can't wait for tomorrow)
12. A healthy painless 3-day period
13. Late mornings
15. Tight Embraces
16. Kale leaves
18. Taking my time, no rush
"A woman in harmony with her spirit is lke a river flowing. She goes at will without pretense and arrives at her destination prepared to be herself, and only herself. " Maya Angelou
Sunday, December 07, 2008
A dear customer-friend of mine and I were talking about mothering, earth-consciousness, and being connected to the divine mother. I was impressed when she conveyed that she talks to her 16 year old daughter about the feminine presence in the divine, body awareness, and body image. In our conversation, I told her that she should also consider talking to her daughter about love-making now. She immediately cringed and I let it go after realizing how embarrassed she became at the thought.
There are a lot of women like my customer friend who are wonderfully liberated in many ways but can't talk about love-making. As women of African descent, we were taught to never talk about our sexuality or even think about what turns us off. I understand how the history of African Americans informed our sexual repression. I do. I do. And I don't take that lightly. However, my frustration is activated when "liberated" sistahs, sistahs who challenge the status quo, sistahs who appear to have stepped outside of the box, sistahs who have redefined relationships with women but can't articulate a conversation around love-making and/or have challenges when it comes to making love to themselves or other women. Surprisingly, many of the aforementioned women are self-identified lesbians, creating huge misconceptions that all lesbians are great lovers to other women.
I want to be clear: I don't claim to be an expert in lovemaking, particularly because I am still beautifully unfolding and learning. But I will claim what I've learned so far. I learned that energy is absolutely everything, literally and they're some energies that should not connect intimately. It's a chemistry that becomes chemically imbalanced when forced to unite in such an intense, passionate way. Even if the physical outcome of such exchange appears satisfying to the body, the spirit knows truth and eventually an internal shift occurs, creating an internal imbalance that causes everything to feel "off." Oftentimes people try to recreate what they thought they felt in the beginning of the relationship, but spirit knows and responds accordingly.
I haven't had sex in a few months, but I've been intimate. My most recent relationship was short, amazingly beautiful, powerful, sexless, and yet my best relationship to date. That relationship birthed awareness, stillness, and agape, showing me what an authentic, honest connection and attraction feel like. I am moving from a personal, individual self into a transpersonal understanding of the deep and subtle interconnectedness of the universe and people. In this experience, I am realizing that the "I", the "me" is not more important the "we" or "us," which allows me to intuit more clearly. I'm grateful and wonderfully delighted, for I know that my new lover(s) is/are near. I cleared out and charged up so much so that I feel her. As a result, I've started creating art again, a testament to my awakening consciousness and awareness. Sexual power is the energetic force that brings life onto this Earth. Whereas no child is conceived during lesbian love-making or intimacy, the creative life energy can conceive a new attitude, a new perception, or a new way of Being.
Photo: Sketched and digitally painted Oshun and Freya
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Hug yourself, nurture your lovliness,
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Sunday, November 09, 2008
Warm weather in November
color spectrum of Leaves
sweat and tears
my road bicycle
petticoats and flat shoes
homemade oatmeal cookies
puffy eyes and smooth skin
my housemate kitty
daily gratitude lists
Words of Fire
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Earth, the movie
slow: slow digestion, slow sex
A pilgrimage of discovery, mystery, serendipity, synchronicity, spontaneity. Joy
media "fast" and perhaps media detox
art of living
warm socks and Comfy Boots
Black Womyn: Dec 4th
Sweet Potatoes and Root Veggies
the space between
Book:Advanced chakra healing (cancer)
Book:Words of Fire
Book: Loving Kindness
holy-days and holidays
masturbation and sweet celibacy
mixing body scrubs/oils/lotions and potions
minimalist (work in progress)
Quote: "To be sensual, I think, is to respect and rejoice in the force of life, of life itself, and to be present in all that one does, from the effort of loving to the breaking of bread.
Photo: Copenhagen Cycle Chic (Love this damn site)...oh, where's my bike :)
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
a cat that kills nasty,icky BIG bugs
ability to afford organic produce at 20% discount
making time to do absolutely nothing
a quiet comfortable place to live
a sweetheart housemate
"love is all around just look" --cree summer, my boo
the kids...i love the kids
a body that's pretty healthy even when it's tired
the chocolate shop
some "pocket change"
great hugs....kisses on the cheek
releasing my ego, admitting that i was wrong about an employee, and apologizing to him
mending broken ties; making peace
recognizing the need to pause, take deeper breaths...not racing to a red light
being alive and healthy to witness the spirit of Autumn
learning to say no, no, no
discovering evamor water
.....there are soo many things to be grateful for....bubbling over with gratitude.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
*Everything is set to go.
I can't believe I finally did it.
I am so grateful for ALLL my experiences in Atlanta, I am finally moving forward.
This blog may be on hold 'til further notice.
SO much gratitude to the creator and ancestors for guidance, love, and holding me tightly and my ex-fiance' (spirit brother) for simply being there and believing in ME. I am LOVE! I AM LOVE! I AM HEALTHY! I CAN DO IT!!! HELL YEAH, IMMA BE A MEDICAL DOCTOR YALL, combining alternative and conventional medicine! GRATITUDE, AH!
India, this one is for you mum. I know that I'm never alone. Thank you.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
"The thing that I'm into is the philosophy of the music. I love the surprise of things, the accidents...just the sound of a word, to try to express them in the best way, so that the emotion is totally revealed." - Beth Gibbons (Portishead)
sounds like love-making to me, Beth
I LoooOOOOve what Mos Def did to this ol' Isley Brothers' song.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
"I will fight no more forever"
my inner self concurs...
no reason to struggle with myself
that is all
In my wanting, I need to learn to not want
yet I still 'want' to surrender
and in wanting it so badly I know not
that I've surrendered already
I am desperately attempting to cling onto more of what I already am
I have all that I need, so I need to recognize
that needs are always met
yet I forget
and then comes regret
regret for not having "real- eye"-zed sooner
for not being up to my own ridiculous standard
for what 'standard' can be set on
~a fluid of change
I cannot be set
there in my impermanence
wanting some permanence
the conundrum has my head reeling
and floods me with such feeling
~all is love
As always, i'm so grateful
Saturday, August 09, 2008
I love my life.
Sure it's not perfect. I have trust issues. Major ones. I don't easily allow people into my center. After my last relationship with a woman who was periodically dishonest throughout the entire on again/off again, unsupportive relationship and my total disconnection from my 5 known family members in the US, I threw my hands in the surrendering air.
Every day I am outside biking the city, I remind myself to be conscious. I even send out energy to cars, and other bikers, skaters, and children around me, that they, too, love their lives enough to be conscious of it, and those around. I’m not ready to let it go; to throw in the towel, or to walk away from the sun shining through my window, the smiles, the outdoors, the arts, my bead collection, photography, the music, the love. NO! I’m not there yet. There are so many things I have to do. I mean, I've been waiting for August 11, 2008 for a month now. Two days left until my big day!!!
I have things to do, like climb the pyramids of Egypt, skinny-dip in South France after reading Anais Nin by the shore, sky-dive, grow a successful full garden, take an African Safari trip, learn to compost, be in somebody's film, ride a camel, make love on a forest floor, live in London, make love on a train, see the sun rise over Rohtas Fort, take a year off from working and backpack internationally, become a Natropath Doctor (ND), save many lives and cure cancer, publish a book, learn to prolong my orgasms, learn French and Spanish, be in a bellydance show, send a message in a bottle, fall deeply in love -- helplessly and unconditionally, have Picasso moment of creation, drive across America coast to coast and make love in every state, find a job that I really love, go to Walden Pond and read Thoreau while drifting in a canoe, shower in a waterfall.....just to name a few. The wine is still in the cellar...sort of speak--if I drank and had a cellar.
I’m breathing. I’m breathing in every single breath available, and I’m saying to life and death, “I know that you are one. For now, I sit on the flipside of death, where life is illuminated and beautiful as a curvy highly-melaninated woman in the morning sun. Like John Mayer says in his song Gravity, “just keep me where the light is." I agree.
Friday, August 08, 2008
I have affirmations listed in every room of my place for myself to continuously affirm and for others to see the truth as I know it to be so! In some way, my blog has been my virtual room for me to share my 'stuff.' Any boi, did/do/will i forever have some 'stuff' to share. So here GOES my deliciousness!!! 15 affirmations:
1. I AM spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally, psychically, financially, and sexually healthy!!
2. I love myself and I AM lovable. YUM! I am appreciative of myself....all of me. I am a divine, magnificent expression. I am thankful for all my goodness.
3. Every thought I think, even the ones that I don't say aloud, is creative. SUCH a magic woman I AM!
4. I deserve the BEST and I accept the best. Thank you universe for the love honey.
5. MY income is constantly increasing. MY money is working for me. I am financially secure and debt-free.
6. I absolutely trust the process of LIFE.
7. I open new doors to life anytime I am ready.
8. I am at peace.
9. ALL is absolutely wonderful and well in my world!
10.I love to go beyond other people's fears and limitations. I say YES I CAN to it all. Hell YES!
11. I AM ONE FOXY, juicy, fierce, succulent, graceful but sassy, athletic, sensual, fabulous, loving, kind, generous, assertive, confident, healthy, creative, healing, financially-prosperous, African/Women/Earth-centered, globe-trotting woman. This i KNOW!!! An aside: I love the name/word GRACE. i do, i do.
12. I am unfolding in fulfilling ways. Only good can come to me. I now express health, happiness, prosperity, and peace of mind!
13. I rest very well during the night. My mind is at rest, my body is at rest, my spirit is peace. My head is clear as the Colorado sky.
14. I am doing what I LOVE and making people healthier every single day of my life I understand my purpose in life and I am wholistically and financially successful at what I do.
15. I am so grateful every single moment of my life. Only good lies before me. It doesn't really matter to me what happens, cause I know it's going to be Gooooood! AH!!!!!
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
I'm a big proponent of public transit, and I like to bike as much as possible, or what I call bike-bus or bus-bike, depending on the order that it's done. Marta has a little rack on the front of its buses that allows me to load my bike safely. Now learning to use the rack can be quite painful and embarrassing, but once you get the hang of it, it's simply love. Since being 'truly' car-free has been a rather seamless experience, I don't plan on owning an automobile larger than a Vespa or People in near or distant future. Whenever I need to travel a great distance, I'll just rent a ZipCar by the hour or an Enterprise car for the day. It works! While riding, I am granted opportunities to read great books (which I adore), write, doodle, dream, move about in the elements (sunshine or rain), meet fantastic Atlantans, or just do nothing. Bus-biking or bike-busing has fostered, and really help develop, my independent, self-reliant spirit. After a long day of biking, I feel healthier and fitter than ever~. ANNND, I don't have the foggiest idea what gas prices are these days :D!
Ok, so gear is important! I typically bike in my regular ol' clothes, no spandex for me, except under skirts occasionally. I like to wear comfortable shoes; my staple eco-friendly shoes are made by Simple . If I wear a helmet (yeah, I don't always wear one....i tell you why later), I tie my hair up with fabric just so I don't look like I've been in a fight when the helmet comes off. It doesn't prevent you from looking like a total dork in the helmet unfortunately.
Bike legs after riding approx 6 miles: WHA? You knew I'd find a way to throw this one in :)
The worst incident I've experienced since being a bike commuter was when an officer "pulled" me over with sirens and all and asked for my driver's license. Apparently, I ran a stop sign*. Follow the rules, or get a ticket and have your bike impounded. I don't know if it was a situation of 'profiling' or simply disdain for a biker(yeah that's real), but whatever the case it was stoopid. You may find that a small bit of people dislike you and your bike, but whatever. It's because you are doing something that they are simply afraid of doing for a myriad of silly reasons. Anyway, don't give up no matter what and if you have a day/week that you forego biking for a 'silly' reason, forgive yourself, and get your booty back in gear asap. It's worth it. LOVE
Thursday, July 31, 2008
July has been a pretty rough month for me. So much has transpired and although I pat myself on the back for hanging in there like a resilient champ, I still have to admit that I don't quite feel like myself. Sometimes it feels like I'm Casper, trapped between two worlds. Since I moved into this cute 1920s bungelow in Brownwood, I've been having these weird sensations, like someone or something is trying to communicate with me. I don't get scared, I stay open but I do have a concern that I'm not tuned in enough to understand the message or that I'm pretending to be so busy going, going, going, I miss it.
So today I had a quiet day. I stayed around my home, cleaned up really good and decided to fast with lemon juice (fresh-squeeze), grapefruit juice, wheatgrass, spirilina, and kombucha. I also performed an enema using distilled water and probiotics and inserted wheatgrass, which is when the healing comes in for me. I put on some classical and allowed my thoughts to come through like August and leave like July.
To say that I feel soOOOo good would do my emotions an injustice.
But I do.
I think it was Oprah who said that life without a spiritual component is meaningless.
That disconnection I was feeling has everything to do with my neglecting my spirit.
We are all eternal spiritual beings in human bodies. We manifest human bodies to experience manifestation, this world, this planet that we live on. Not the other way around. Our human bodies are sorta an interface entity between the spiritual being that lives outside of time and space and the world as we see it day to day.
I believe we create human bodies to experience time and space, to experience linear time. I believe we choose our parents and experiences. If you think about it, no two persons have the exact same experiences. I think we choose our pain, as well as love. I believe we show up late to jobs we shouldn't be working in the first place. Walking around in a human body is an amazing thing, and witness our actions day to day is the lesson.
Having the senses of smell, touch, taste, visual sight and perceiving sound is a beautiful experience. Having the opportunity to love ourselves and share love every time our heart beats is ....the experience.
Photo 1: Self portrait, 2008
Photo 2: Self portrait, during late night backyard ritual, Holding partially nude pic of an unknown relative found in mums closet, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
Well, today was my third gig in an academic university in 6 weeks. As I disrobed, the usual nervous shakes invaded my body. Suddenly I remembered every insecurity I'd ever had. A few minutes after I stepped onto the platform underneath the spotlights, my shakes subsided and I felt relaxed, better. I stood on the wooden platform and my mind started acting up by visualizing an auction block, causing me to fold into myself for comfort. Here I was 5'7", 140, dark, athletic, soft, nappy, and freed up!!! There were 16 students in the class, 12 male and 4 female, including one black woman with locs, who I called I mum in my head. The whole class was concentrated on me with great intensity, making the sweetest comments ever. From my dark skin-tone to wholly hair, I began to feel proud again! It was quite amusing trying to work out which bit they were painting at any particular time. When I noticed the old German staring at my pussy with a ruler angled in my direction, I lost my focus a bit, hoping he wasn't measuring my clitoris?! The sounds of Beethoven playing in the background helped bring my attention back to the platform.
I found my focal point on a overhead light switch and selected my pose. "Can you part you legs a little more?" said one of the females. I did but barely; I didn't think I was having a pap smear today. I stared again but I could still see out of my peripheral. The artists were getting their brushes and pencils ready. Time to work.
This time, the students used various mediums including paint, charcoal, water colour and oil. Eventually the hour passed and it was time for a tea/scone/bagel break and to inspect SOME of the half finished masterpieces (i said, some). One of the old men kindly volunteered to get me a cup of tea to save me the bother of getting dressed. Needless to say all the drawings were quite different. The main reason being that each one was drawn from a slightly different angle, and also, at this stage, they were only half complete. There were a couple in particular that I thought were stunning but there was also that one that looked like Kermit, the frog! 30 minutes rolled by, then followed an impromptu conversation on various styles of drawing. As the discussion continued, none of the class seemed the slightest bit bothered that I was naked while they stood their clothed. I was just another model.
After a 15 minute break, it was back to work! The heat from the lights, coupled with the coconut oil all over my body, was making my pussy sweat. For some reason, the second hour passed faster than the first. I felt a few knots tighten up in my back and neck towards the end of the second hour. Just when I thought I was ready to pack up and leave, one of the old guys asked if I mind being photographed. I said "Sure, why not?" realizing later that my picture could find it's way on "BigtitsandRoundAsses".*shutters at the thought*
So not only did he take out out his inexpensive digital camera, the rest of the class followed. *snap, snap, snap...flashes everywhere! I felt my blood pressure surge from the omnidirectional glares. Sensing my discomfort, the teacher asked the students to put away their cameras and class resumed.
Into my third hour, I felt something shift in me, within the artists, and the classroom. The lateral pain in my back and neck started to disconnect from my brain. What pain???? I felt a part of everything there and then a part of nothing at all. There was something invisible and magikal connecting me and the light switch. All my insecurities fell away like old, sagging skin caught on fire. I felt an overwhelming appreciation for my quiet, meditative time. My thoughts relaxed into nothingness for a few minutes. All I remember were tears welding up in my eyes causing me to relax my gaze to stop them from falling. I felt queenly, on some ancestral-type, dark Goddess vibration.
I asked for a break, went to the bathroom, and cried. I mean, CRIED!
When I entered the room again, all the students clapped. Not the AA meeting kind of clap, but deeper.
I loss something and gained something else. It only lasted a few minutes but what I acquired was real.
I dare to try to put into words what I received, I simply knew that I felt light as air.
I have an appointment next week and another big one Aug 11. Now instead of calling them appts, I call them prayer/worship. As I biked to the train station, I felt like a kid leaving church on Easter Sunday, full of innocence and wonderment.
It's kinda like when Ntozake said, "I found God in myself and I love her."
But then again, it's not.
Monday, July 14, 2008
One of three books that I am reading now is- What We Ache For: Creativity and the Unfolding of Your Soul.. by Oriah Mountain Dreamer - does a little bit of all of these creative things. It is designed to encourage the reader to consider the melding of three different aspects of life - sexuality, spirituality and creativity - in order to live more completely. At it's core, that's about living all of life more creatively. However, it focuses specifically on the act of writing when making a lot of its points and uses writing prompts at the end of chapter to emphasize this. And yet, these writing prompts can be easily adapted to other types of art so that it applies to the artistic life in general. When it boils down to it, though, the real reason that I love this book is because I agree with its core foundation. It is based on the idea that we can not be completely happy unless we are able to fully realize ourselves as sexual, spiritual and creative people. Those are rigid terms but they imply looser concepts. They say that we need to be able to experience our own senses in the world, to feel that we are interconnected with something bigger than ourselves and to use our perceptions to create something outside of ourselves. When these three aspects of life are amalgamated and balanced, we can be content. I believe in that idea and therefore this is an easy book to love.
I wish this was my bookshelf. Soon, soon.
Photographer: Unknown :(
Sunday, June 29, 2008
from the absence of those I loved in the past. But when a life is lived for its meaning....the residue of the past is poetry, not death or loss." ..."The dead were not absent, they were a part of the present life."
"A Literate Passion: Letters from 1932-1952"
I am overwhelmed by the supple beauty of her words. I sat at my local tea shop a few days ago and poured myself into it, didn't even drink my rooibus just read and immediately I was transported to Paris.Not only does it transport me, but also it possesses something that inspires my own writing. It's comforting to me....allows me to accept my mother's death, slowly.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
it's no secret...
to anyone who knows me.
...i want to have sex that inspires me. sex that makes me feel more like i'm in the midst of creating art than fingering or fucking someone. shit so good that it transcends just a physical experience. it becomes spiritual. religious. magical. a space to conjure deepest desires. awaken things we never knew we loved. or capture things we've always lusted for but haven't quite tasted.
i want sex that redefines what sex could be. something that is loving, nasty, freaky, charged. hot, sexy, soft, sensual, noisy, seductive, ass-bouncing, breast-jiggling, hard. something that leaves me feeling spent afterwards like i just fought a heavyweight & gave it all i got. only this is no fight, it's going at it with someone who wants you to cum harder than you've ever come before. sex that is generous, accepting, where giving each other pleasure is paramount. where giving each other room to explore & just be where we are at & be accepted...& grow...& learn...is an integral part of the experience.
i want to try things i never have. be open to ways of love making/fucking that i've never even imagined before. whether it is something kinky or deeply intimate. i want to have sex in ways i've never had sex before but always dreamed of. with someone who is seeking the same.
but also, i'd really love to have that person be someone i could develop a really wonderful friendship with at the core of everything. but the irony is that many people don't know how to be friends. there's trust issues, past drama, insecurity, selfishness, dishonesty, foolishness, 'the ex who sits by the door' and other 'stuff' you have to sift through in order to get to a person's center. so many layers you have to peel back in order to see who that person really is and sometimes it takes years for the lens to focus correctly. i had to be honest (and continue to be honest) with myself and work on changing who i was/am so that i would/will attract that light essence that essentially resides within me. a homogeneous spirit. at this point in my life it's absolutely necessary for anyone I have sex/make love with to develop a really loving, earth-spirit-centered, mental-emotional-physical, natural, nurturing, connection . & then have the hot sex be an extension of that connection, not the sole connection in itself...i refuse anything less....i've always known in the deepest parts that this kind of sweetness would be a reality for me. it's just a matter of time. as always, i'm patient and healthy.
but ahhh...ohhhh, i'm turning myself on at the thought of sex in the context of a wholistic relationship...mmMMmm. in the meantime, i'll just keep nurturing my mind, body, and spirit while "staying healthy with every beat of my heart." ---India
o.wood (read sex and magick-making stuff-click here)
*To all my readers: Thank you for reading, always always. I recently purchased a new camera so please check back for links to photo-cycling blog :D.
Monday, June 23, 2008
"This is the female form divine...
...I am drawn by its breath as if I were no more than a helpless vapor,
all falls aside but myself and it."
This is the female form,
A divine nimbus exhales from it from head to foot.
It attracts with fierce undeniable attraction,
I am drawn by its breath as if I were no more than a helpless vapor,
all falls aside but myself and it,
Books, art, religion, time, the visible and solid earth, and what was expected
of heaven or fear'd of hell, are now consumed,
Mad filaments, ungovernable shoots play out of it, the response likewise ungovernable,
Hair, bosom, hips, bend of legs, negligent falling of hands all diffused, mine too diffused,
Ebb stung by the flow and flow stung by the ebb, love-flesh swelling and deliciously aching,
Limitless limpid jets of love hot and enormous, quivering jelly of love,
white-blow and delirious juice,
Bridegroom night of love working surely and softly into the prostrate dawn,
Undulating into the willing and yielding day,
Lost in the cleave and of the clasping and sweet-flesh'd day.
This is the nucleus - after the child is born of woman, man is born of woman.
This is the bath of birth, this the merge of small and large, and the outlet again.
Be not ashamed women, your privilege encloses the rest, and is the exit of the rest,
You are the gates of the body, and you are the gates of the soul.
Children of Adam
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
i have a plant that is growing on my window seal. it is a leaf now, but some day will make it's way down my window seal becoming longer & more complicated. but today it is a leaf. however without the aid of water, sunlight, air, & myself. this leaf will never spring into that luscious plant.
today i learned that though a dream may be yours. it will never be achieved on your own. who would martin have been if no one came to the march on washington. who would barack be without his wife or grandparents or liberal bloggers he's never met? i believe that many times we think we are alone or that we must do the work alone. but we fail to realize the greatest resource we have. the greatest aid to success we have access to is each other. for every dream i have i know of one person or could find a person who could aid me in achieving it. today-i was holding hands in a circle of people, many of whom i did not know. i discovered this about myself & it moved me. i felt the unsettled feeling i used to feel as a child when i was upset to the core & about to cry. what i spoke about in that circle was that i love people greatly & would go at great lengths to assist them. to contribute to them fulfilling their dreams. or getting what they need. but i myself don't want to ask for support. or feel ashamed when i need something.
what i realized today was that my shame. my guilt. my fear. prevents others from having the opportunity to contribute to my life. i think that's why people have kids (for the most part), to contribute to someone. to aid a little person in growing to their brightest potential. to love someone to life. for me what i am going to do is give up my fear of asking for support. my shame. & guilt. & allow people to love me the way i love them. allow them to contribute to me & my dreams. for myself i am creating the possibility of being cared for. to be that plant sitting on the window seal. being water. lit up. & nurtured by kindness & love.
"it seems to me that trying to live without friends is like milking a bear to get cream for your coffee. It is a whole lot of trouble, and then not worth much after you get it." --zora neale hurston
ow (click link)
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
I always felt awkward about thanking a separate God for food, but thanking the food itself makes more sense to me, and helps me to focus on the divinity of all things.
And just like people, food comes in so many marvelous varieties! Just like us, food creates itself over time with the nourishment it extracts from the Earth. And when we eat, we are choosing to make that food a part of ourselves to further create what we are. I know that may seem obvious, but it’s a really when you think about it.
Given all that, not only does not thanking my food feel selfish, but more so, it feels like I’m cheating myself of the joy in seeing the gifts food provides. No big ceremony needed; save the red carpet folks. Just a moment’s pause. Focused attention. Just "Thank you, food."
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Photo courtesy Copenhagen Cycle Chic. There you can find more amazing photos.
*Are there any other black women who commute by bicycle??? I'd love to chat you up sometime. I am starting a sister-blog about bike commuting in Atlanta from a black woman's perspective, with actual pictures and more. Stay tuned.
Monday, June 02, 2008
NOT AN ACTUAL PHOTO OF COUPLE* Photographer and models unknown.
"'We are not saying people should live in a tent or 15 feet away from each other,' Mr. Roach said. 'What we are teaching is that there is a direct karmic relationship between every incidence of anger you have in the day and how you see your partner.
'If you are consciously patient with people during the day, you will see more beauty.'"
Listen to this amazing story here!
My favorite couple love couple-crush, married Feb. 29, 2008. Who is this?
Persia White ("Girlfriends) and Saul Williams!! MMMmmmmMM
Sunday, June 01, 2008
"C'mon meditate, lets contemplate
talk to the heavenly bodies
of the universe (times 2)
i got to be free, my spirit's telling me (times 2)
free from all the things that I don't really need (times 2)
my mind is made up, no turning back for me (times 2)
must move with the tides....move straight ahead people.."
SImplywonderful. Give yourself a treat and press play. RIP Bo Diddley
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
....embracing the sweet intersections between the profane and sacred, accepting not knowing anything, becoming, and staying healthy with every beat of my heart. And learning the art of biking in heels. If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again...but oh goodness it's hard. ALL suggestions and words of wisdom accepted :).
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Ilike your deep voice; I told you this all the time and in fact, I was thinking of you on my walk home today from the tea spot. I should have just called you, but the thought of you was such a private intimate moment, that I didn't even want to spoil the splendor of your memory since we no longer talked. I wonder if that makes sense. Cause sometimes, my mind wanders, I can't solidify a thought or a moment in my mind that is heavy enough to hold onto.
But for some reason, you came up more than once as a "tangible thought". And so, I don't want to give those tangible thoughts up, cause they don't happen for me all of the time.
And it is so real. The way that you move inside me, the pressure of my deep insecurity hiding inside of you (still), and the strength of your intense grasp...the sound of your voice...... I can't get over your existence, cause it really is interesting that someone like you existed in my world for...7 months, after surviving an abusive woman... I don't know who you are though....not every single day.... And somehow, getting to know you, was a scary and revealing process. It is revealing not of you though, but of me. Because, I'm not sure what I've built you out to be, but I do understand my fear of you revealing your true self and me being either completely disappointed or completely mesmerized. I don't want to be either, but it's pretty clear to me that there are only two directions for me to go.
I guess my point is that I cannot be unaffected by you as I am by most. And I hadn't planned on meeting anyone new or reconnecting with old connects, anyone who could alter who I am, since, on some level, I need to be exactly who I am right now. But, you have already affected me.
I often believe that there is a reason why we exist in other people's lives, and not as independent entities. We came out of a person because we are only human when connected with (in my case) a woman. So, I surround myself with women always. And every person that I have around me affects me in an evolutionary(and revolutionary) way, even if, sometimes, they aren't a complete positive contribution to my life, I feel their presence and it allows me to grow.
But with you, well, I'm not sure where you fit. I'm not clear on what your role is, or why it is that you have (as I see it) walked into my life (again). If I may quote the "secret" for a moment, I must confess that I have used the law of attraction all of my life, and in that effect, I have always gotten what I wanted. I have always received for what was asked.
With you, my main question is what are you the answer to? What have I asked for that you will provide? I'm curious, oh so curious to figure this out, because, I give thanks for the opportunity to receive you.
If you know, if you have an idea, or perhaps, if you are the one who has requested me, then tell me. I would love to hear it. I would love to know the question. And as I request it, I am sure you will tell it to me. Even if you are unaware, somehow, I think that the question is hidden in your voice. Because I know your voice...that afro-german accented voice. Through your sound, the mere thought of you, I at least understand that, yes, you are the answer ...at least for right now; in this second...that's what i do know for now.
LL/India 2007 (revised 2008)
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
::If someone is pretending to love you then they are using you as a practical tool in order to love themselves. They may not know this.It is quite possible for people to convince themselves that they are in love when in truth they are not,they simply like the idea of being in love.However although they may not know the difference you certainly will.This is a use of unskillful power and causes pain,suffering and anger.Trust your instincts, trust whatever you intuit--that's my mantra; if you feel that you are not truly loved, if the signs of love are not right and you constanly feel something is missing,then you may have the appearance of love,not the real thing.Love is not meant to be a source of pain,humiliation,grief,anger,emptiness or loss.....and the like
If this is your situation then it is better to remove yourself from it. Hard though it might be, it is a courageous step to take ,for only by ending a pretense of love can you allow real love to come to you.
::Love isn't what hurts people. Attachment hurts people. We become hurt because we become attached. Love should be received and given freely, with no strings attached. Far too few people truly understand this. You become attached when you want to hold on to that person. You desire to keep them. Never let them go. You cling to the idea that this relationship, these feelings, this moment, will last forever without changing, yet change is the only constant...unless you're dead, of course. And at this moment, the place where I sit my lovely behind, chooses life.
Once I begin to truly love me, India, the geekygoddess---it all made so much sense. Now I am attracting love because I recognize what it is. How perfect this equation is.
PHOTO: "Being" collection, Zanele Muholi